Akittenone’s Weblog

Posts Tagged ‘dreams

Firstly kitten needs to apologise, she has been lax in posting on here if only for the fact she has been busy and for that she is sorry,

By now you will know that kitten is with Master, she is living with Him as His property, His slave and that is something that has been two fold for her, in one way it is like coming home, and in another way it is like leaning to live again, both coming together to make kittens life more complete.

There have been a few times over the past three weeks that kitten has had doubts, not with Master but with life situations and they have been worked on and all the fears have been discussed and a solution has been worked out, kitten is not daft enough to believe that the teething problems have been all she will face but as long as kitten has Master to talk things through with then she is sure there are no problems she cannot deal with.

When kitten got off the plane she was shaking, for so long she had heard that Master and her sister were playing her, were taking her for a fool, yet not once did kitten get that impression from Him in all her interactions, but as with all things, if you listen to something enough you will start to have doubts, well there are no doubts now, Master is all that He said He was and in some ways more.

Kitten has learnt that Master has a wicked sense of humour * usually to kittens cost * and the sound of Him laughing fills the house on a regular basis, that said, He also has a serious side that you can talk with, ask advice * something kitten is still learning to do and to be honest not doing to well at, is harder to hide what kitten is thinking or feeling though now that He is along side kitten daily*and the serious side is one which is can be depended on to give you honest unbiased opinions and advice.

Play times * not really anyone’s business but kitten knows there are still a few doubters* are wonderful, going to the beach and trying to cover a bruised ass and tits makes for an interesting outfit combination !! Why cover them up ? Because society does not readily understand this life and kitten does not want people to look at Master and judge Him, that said, the getting of the bruises is wonderful and something kitten feels is part of her, something she loves and at times needs to be able to free her mind from all the thinking she does. There is another way that kitten settles her mind, its unfortunately not for anyone else’s knowledge apart from the fact Master says kitten better not be unsettled at the mall or W/we could B/both end up in jail !! Again this is something Master knows when kitten needs and at the moment He is allowing it, while at the same time working on other methods for her to feel the safety net around her.

There is so much that kitten could and should write but where do you stop ? What do you say and not say ? All kitten can say with 100% certainty is that she is Masters kitten 24/7 and that is like coming home, to a life and a Master who completes kittens life, and  that kitten can never express enough

Time is moving, kitten is getting closer and closer to the time she can be with Master, under two weeks now, wow things certainly appear to be flying by, lol in 8 months it will be Christmas again !!

This is the time that kitten has been dreading, not the moving but the thoughts and actions of others. Kitten does not really understand some people and their mentality, all she seems to be getting all day long, on the phone, on instant messenger and from people in r/t is that she is making a mistake and that she will not be wanted, well all kitten can say to them is IF she is making a mistake then it is hers to make, but she honestly doesn’t believe it is a mistake, not for her at least.

Kitten is usually quiet, she is not one to push herself to the fore front and demand more time from Master, moan about wanting to be played with or wanting to have some quality time with Him, kitten knows that Master will be with her when HE wants to be and all that moaning and whining will do is make Him not want to spend time with her at all, something kitten thinks people don’t realise, and when they see kitten content to not speak then they think its because she doesn’t value the time with Him, they think that in order to be a sub or slave they need interaction and conversation at all times, well for them that might be true but kitten is mainly content within herself, oohh don’t get her wrong, there are times she needs Him but unless she tells Him those times He will never know.

Kitten needs Him at the moment, she has had company everyday of the week so far, and to be honest her head is splitting and she is not sure anymore if she is sitting down or standing up, they have her so confused and twisted she is not even sure of her name at times , unless you count the names they call her, then guess she is many things. Kitten has needs as well, she works all day and long hours at that so when she is home she loves to chat, the time difference is a killer and with company as well it makes things worse, but kitten knows Master has others and even if they are on the same time zone as Him it is His choice who He interacts with and when, kitten could speak up and say she would like to talk please but that is not her way, so it is kittens fault really.

Kitten just hopes the next two weeks go fast, she knows that actually being with Master is not going to be a bed of roses, there will be ‘teething’ problems and no doubt some grief from others who will not like kitten being there, but at least Master will be there for those problems, its these ones that kitten is dealing with alone that are making her head spin and hurt, but as kittens mother used to say, “ If they are picking on you they are leaving someone else alone so accept it and deal with it “

Kitten has a note book, in the wrong hands she knows it could do a lot of damage, in her note book is kittens life as it was, her thoughts her feelings, her rants * and yeap kitten can rant with the best of them, and she swears as well, proper swearing sometimes depends on who has pushed her and how far *

Well Master knows about kittens notebook and He said last night that when she gets there it is His property and He wants to read it, well hells bells and fire lighters, this kitten really does not want, that is hers, it is her in its pages, all she thinks and wonders about, all the things that have happened to her, things said or done, people who have hurt her and how or why, her thoughts on that and other things, in some ways it is more of a novel than a note book. In there kitten writes, she writes and she writes, anything and everything, and it scares her that someone else wants to read it, now kitten trusts Master with her life and in giving Him the note book she will in effect be giving Him her life.

Giving yourself to your Master is something you do when you submit, but always before that has been bodily, in any and every way they wish, and in service, in anything and everything they wish * and these are not blanket statements, kitten is no ones fool and she has been with Master a year so she knows the likes and dislikes, the things He want from kitten, the things He expects etc etc, and this she is more than happy with, ** omitting the blinking pillows, cuddles and kisses and she would be estatic **

Never before has kitten had to reveal her thoughts and feelings to another, oohh she knows she gets stroppy and she is a ‘bit’ out spoken at times but they are surface feelings, now Master wants them all, and that is something kitten really not comfortable with, is it really bad if a slave has an accident with the laptop and all her notes are erased, by accident of course ?

Well another day crossed off the list, time is moving and kitten is thinking, hhhmm not sure is that is good or bad to be honest.

Kitten has always managed to hold herself ‘aloof’ she very rarely lets people get close enough to really affect her, well that is all breaking down, Master has got to her, and holding herself back and keeping a distance is becoming harder and harder, and that scares kitten a lot.

Kitten has been reading some of her old post, she sees herself being soft and soppy, and that is not kitten, she is tough, strong, she needs no one and nothing from others, yet He manages to get to her in stupid ways, either things said or things done and to be honest kitten is fighting that, she cannot depend on anyone, that makes her needy, she needs to rely on herself, let no one in, stay aloof, stay safe.

How can one person do this to another ? How can He get to her when she resists at all turns ? He says things about hugs and kisses, all things kitten sucks at, they are things kitten doesn’t know how to do well, so she doesn’t do them, end of story.

In being with Master kitten has faced a LOT of others who think that she should not be, and she has lost a few ‘friends’ along the way, last night another one decided to put their opinions across, have they spoken to others ? Don’t really know, all kitten knows is that they were a very good friend from a friends site that she used to go on, now she doesn’t go there anymore and they want her to, they want to get her to go back to online with others, to chat and laugh, to be a part of the fun group again,

Kitten is thinking too hard, she knows that no matter what she is trying to do her thoughts and feelings keep pushing themselves forward, hell kitten either wants to be with Master NOW so He can sort things for her or she wants to run fast, and at the moment it is a tightly run race as to what wins. The fact that she wants Master to help sort things out is something she doesn’t like, always before she could sort things herself, close them away and shut a bit more of herself away, that is getting harder to do as each day goes by and kitten can’t deal with that, not at all

Kitten sits here and wonders what to write about, at the moment all she can think of is the dull ache between her legs, an ache that has been getting worse as the time is getting closer to being with Master. Kitten is no ones fool, she knows that her life with Master will not be sex sex sex as that is not the M/s way regardless of what you have read or been told, if it was then all slaves would walk like John Wayne just getting off his horse and all Masters would need oxygen as lets face it, no one can have sex 24 hours a day 7 days a week !!


Back to the ache, well kitten has been talking with Master, pillows and hugs and kisses etc etc and as hard as kitten tries He will not change His mind * boy is He one stubborn Master at times * but last night He made a slip, lol He said He cannot wait to paddle kittens ass, well let kitten tell you, she melted ! she even said she would love a pillow, if only to sit on with her sore ass, and she knows that He is teasing with the pillows, now to work on the hugs and kisses.


When kitten thinks about being with Him she will admit to wanting Him, something she is a bit scared of as she knows a slave should desire her Master, what is the point of submitting if the one you submit to repulses you, and kitten does desire Him very much, and that is what scares her at times, is it wise to ache for your Master, does that not put more pressure on Him ? And at the end of the day it is not about kittens satisfaction, it is about Masters, so if kitten feels like this about Him now then will she be able to forget her needs to make sure His are met ?


Kitten hopes she will be able to serve Master well, she has no doubts at all there will be some moments of tension as at the moment kitten has only been online with Him, and having served a Master r/t she knows there is a vast difference, and at times she will admit to being stroppy and sullen, as well as mouthy, things she would never dared to be previously, so kitten wonders if she can really get back to being the slave she needs to be, Do you forget how to serve ? Does your focus become centred on you and not Master ? Having never been a me me me type person kitten finds having these thoughts, feelings and this ache is something she is not used to, and to be honest, she is not sure she likes it,  she wants to serve Master, she needs to be real time and she needs to be able to be kitten once more, Damn it, just said kitten was not a me me me type and the last line was about what she wanted, not what Master wanted.


God help kitten she has a feeling she is going to struggle if she is not with Him soon

Kitten loves the paddle, whether she is good or bad, she enjoys to be spanked * ok as a punishment it leaves something to be desired but kitten not complaining * however kitten has now finally come to realise the hr Master is a tease, without a doubt and with no other word for Him, He loves to tease kitten !

Kitten was told last night that Master was counting how many paddles He is going to give kitten, great she thought, her face lighting up, however He then added …….. “ in 4.5 years “ kitten was WTH !!!!! 4.5 years, that is 1626 days,39025 hours,2341440 minutes !!!!

Now heres the thing, if kitten doesn’t get spanked, then will her ass be too soft for the paddles, omg can you imagine, kitten and no paddle, thats like coffee with no water, or yin with no yan, its not normal at all.

So now kitten is on her best behaviour * well as best as kitten can get * she wants to prove to Master she can be an angel and she does deserve to be treated, you can keep the cuddles and the kisses, they are something kitten does not like at all, give her a paddle and watch her smile * and moan and groan and wriggle, lol watch kitten purrrrr *

So if kitten is bad then she will accept she deserves a cuddle and a kiss * nope* but if she is good * as she is always * then she deserves a paddle

Guess this goes to show, one slaves pleasure is another slaves pain, and it seems Master wants to teach kitten the finer arts of kissing and cuddling, kitten was at one stage trying to suggest trades, but for some reason * ok for a lot of reasons * kitten soon discovered that rrading with Master is not a good idea, lol not at all !! Master is as quick as a flash when it comes to that type of thing and kitten ended up getting in such a pickle she was not sure if she was sitting down or standing up,

So now we wait and see, the only thing kitten can do is hope that Master forgets, and if she keeps changing the subject then it might just work, pillows, kissing and cuddling ? hhhhmmmm not really kittens thing, she has little experience with them and knows she is no good at them so she tends to keep away from things she cannot do, so fingers crossed Master forgets

kitten has been offered a new job, with the same company and at almost the same pay, but the responsibility and the hours will change, and to be honest not sure it is something kitten can do, she needs to make so many arrangements for son, and unless she pays out more money that means she will have to ask ex to do more, and kitten knows how that will end, kitten is already having problems with him, and if she takes this job then the problems will worsen kitten is sure, kitten will then have to have contact with him on an almost daily basis, not something she wants at all !
The only good side is she would not have to pay more childcare costs, kitten really torn what to do, she knows she is lucky to have a job the way things are going and she is grateful for that, she is the same as everyone else, bills to pay and food to buy but this will not actually bring much more money in, it will be a move to another job and that in itself kitten is worried about, she knows she can do it but it will mean more interaction with people, and kitten much prefers to do her job, she doesn’t like getting to know people, she always ends up getting hurt, and this job will be one where she has to get to know the staff in other shops, advise them and help them if there is a problem within the shop of any nature.
Kitten knows she should talk to Master but this is not something He can really help with, as there is an ocean between us at the moment, soon, when kitten is with Him then there will be no question of her going to Him, after all it would be His decision on what kitten did So kitten is confused once more and yeap add more doubts and worries to her already growing list