Akittenone’s Weblog

Archive for December 2008

Well here it is, the ending of another year, as we head towards Christmas we all know that the New Year is around the corner and kitten has been looking back over her writings and remembering, what a year it has been
Kitten was released by her Master, but not in a way most are released, He just left, there one minute and then gone, since then He has been back a few times and messed with kittens head, telling her she would always be His no matter what she did or who thought they owned her, this has lead to some really bad moments for kitten and still He comes back and leaves her messages and calls her, something kitten dreads as what He tells her she knows is true, yet she doesn’t want Him to tell her how bad she is and how worthless yet she must be in some ways for Him to keep telling her that.
Then there was all the trouble that kitten went through with others as well, jeez what a year it has been, all the ups and downs and all the tears and heart ache, yet kitten survived, she is still here and now she is looking forward to the New Year, a bright start, a new beginning with a Master she adores, One who tells her she is worthy and valued, kitten knows she has a long way to go to believe Him 110% but she is getting there, there are things kitten keeps to herself, she finds it hard to share with anyone what is going on in her head, experience shows her that her thoughts and fears can be used against her but kitten is trying to move past that, slowly she is learning to trust, kitten was told the other day she was not capable of loving someone as she would not allow herself to, guess in a way that is true, but kitten does love and she loves deeply and whole heartedly but kittens love is the love a slave has for her Master not a romantic bring kitten flowers and take her for a meal type love.
Kitten is looking forward to 2009 with hope and excitement, it is the new beginning kitten needs and with Master beside her it will be the continuation of kittens growth, now if only she can persuade Him that pillows and cuddles and kisses are not something kitten needs you will all see the smile on her face

Take care all and kitten hopes your Christmas and New Year are as wonderful as kitten prays hers are
HAPPY CHRISTMAS AND KITTEN HOPES YOU ALL HAVE A WONDERFUL 2009

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Ok kitten agrees this is a weird title, and its probably a strange thing to try to explain but in true kitten fashion she will try

When you get a new puppy, you train it, you teach it not to pull on a lead, not to pee in the house, not to bite or bark for no reason, all things to train it to become the pet you want and in some ways having a sub/slave is the same, You teach them to serve You in  a way You wish to be served.

Now here comes the unlearning part…. if you beat a puppy, say with a slipper for every thing it does wrong, then when ever it sees that slipper the puppy will flinch and cower in the corner, the lesson you are teaching is that bad=pain=hurt=scared and the same is true for a sub/slave, if you treat them in a certain way they will associate certain things with certain actions. The same goes for words, tell a puppy they they are good, treat them with kindness and they will respond to the words, treat them with indifference and by shouting and that is all they will know. Treat a sub/slave with kindness and respect, with soft words and value then she will know that she is worth Your time, treat her with scorn and abuse,with degrading actions and indifference and she will not know her value, all she will know and expect is what she has been used to.

This brings kitten to he main part of her post, how to break a lesson, if all she is used to is abuse and ridicule, if You have told her so many times that she is worthless that she believes it, if she only knows her value to You if You shout and scream at her and punishments make her feel better as they justify the pain she feels then how does a new Master break this pattern, how can they knock down the walls that she has built around herself ?

Patience, well that’s a start, but even the most patient of people will have a breaking point at times,

Words, repeating key words over and over helps, it hurts at the time as they are believed but not trusted wholly, they can scare as it is not something she is used to and the unknown is scary,

knowledge, well knowing what You are getting into is a good thing, but is it for the long haul or just a short visit, that will make a difference

Caring, kitten knows many think that a Dom/Master does not ‘care’ for their property, but kitten thinks that’s b/s as if they did not care they would not want them in their lives, she agrees there are some who are looking for a cheap thrill but they hopefully are few and far between, its just unfortunate if you happen to find one of them yourself

Understanding, knowing what is going on inside a sub/slaves head is always difficult, and if they are like kitten then they will not want to talk about things, sometimes keeping things in your head is so much easier, might not be the right thing but it is kittens way of trying to deal with things, voicing them hurts too much at times

Some lessons are deeply ingrained and hard to break, there are times when things will appear to go backwards, when You think everything is fine and one thing, be it something said or done will send all the work You have done tumbling back down, that is when You have to decide whether to stay and pick up the pieces or whether You leave for the hills, either way under the circumstances You will not be held accountable, You have tried, given it Your all, its not Your fault but if You decide to stick it out, then each time will be less and less frequent as she learns and grows more and more under Your care

Just some kitten thoughts