Akittenone’s Weblog

Archive for August 2008

those who know kitten know she stores a lot of value in words, she needs to hear them, she needs to read them, in some cases she needs to feel them as well, well kitten has been reading and searching and found these, ok to some might not mean much but to kitten well so many of them are true,, please go look at the site and read them ,, kitten is sure they will have a meaning to you as well, as with all things, we can adapt words to suit the situation and this kitten does

A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.
-George Bernard Shaw

this kitten reads as yes she is a slave but she is still human and she makes mistakes, these mistakes are what form a part of her, they make her kitten and she learns from them and grows,, she will still make mistakes but she knows that she will be forgiven and taught to move on from them, simple words mean so much at times..

for some more great quotes and other great reads please check out http://dennisharting.blogspot.com its on kittens to read list every morning, sometimes you read something that makes you sit and think, this blog does that for kitten

smile,, you never know who is watching you >^..^<

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This was sent to kitten last night, it was something she loves and is still smiling now, everytime kitten sees it she grins, its nothing fancy, nothing special to many of you, but to kitten it is and she thanks Master for sending it , its brightened kittens day and she is sharing it with you all

Kitten is a person who needs words, she needs to hear them, she needs to have things said and she needs to ‘feel’ the things spoken.

Words typed are hard to interpret; simple words can be mistaken in their intent, for example, the words “I Love You “…. I love you she said with tears running from her eyes, the pain clear on her face……. I love you she smiled, laughing up at Him as she took the flowers offered….. The same words but two different meanings, one filled with pain and one filled with happiness

In some ways the online interaction with your Dom/Master is the same, He can and often does ask/tell you to do something, give an instruction and you act on it, but the task is not clear, the words being told to you could sound harsh and you think of what you have done wrong, in most cases ( but lol if you are kitten its not always guaranteed) you have done nothing wrong but the way things are typed and indeed with typos it can seem that you have and this is something that a sub/slave when ‘talking’ to their One can find hard to understand, lol and with internet connections not being the most reliable of things in bad weather or power failures, the sudden disappearance can cause no end of heart aches and self searching wondering where the heck you went wrong and what you did

Its the simple things that a sub/slave finds pleasure in, smiling, for kitten it is silly things, a picture sent of something her Master knew she would like, a song, a quote, all these things show a sub/slave that their Dom/Master does know them and their ‘normal’ likes and dislikes and not just things pertaining to sex, theses things can and do go along way to making a sub/slave feel as though her Dom/Master thinks of her even when He is busy or not in the best mind frame where she is concerned, ( again kitten knows she makes Master cross at times, well not exactly cross but she exasperates Him with her questions and doubts, but lol He has admitted He has never had a slave who pushed His buttons as much as kitten does so its good practice for Him for when kitten gets there as kitten is kitten and she will always be asking questions )

Guess the point kitten is making is when interacting with another on the internet, no matter who they are think about what you are typing, words are powerful things, they can make you laugh, they can make you smile but they can also break your heart

Hand in Hand we climb this hill,, together we can free fall

Hand in Hand we climb this hill,, together we can free fall

Do you ever wonder about your life? About where and when it is going to go your way? When you will ever realise your dreams, your hopes? Your ambitions?

Its strange, kitten really though she was set for life,when she was with her previous Master, who was also her husband, she was happy and contented, things were ok, lol nothing is ever perfect is it and kitten served Him in everyway He demanded, some of the things kitten had to do have affected her in small ways and even now a word or a gesture can make the memories flood back, the other night was an example of that , then things changed, in a bad way, and kitten was in a place that she prays no slave or sub will ever be, she had to make a choice, her child or her Master.

It is one of the worst decisions kitten has ever made, she had no choice really, her child was dying ( kitten thanks god he is still with her and as well as he can be )and needed her so there was no contest, that in itself made kitten a bad slave in His eyes, this lead to years of not being good enough, not being worth anything, kitten was useless she was a failure lol kitten was so many things she is sure some of the words He actually made up.

Eventually kitten could take no more and He left, it was His choice though not kittens, kitten had been ignored sexually for so long it didn’t make any difference to her, He would take people home with Him, other subs and pleasure them in front of kitten and make her watch, all the time telling her she will never know the feeling of Him again as she was too fat/ugly/stupid to deserve it . Do you ever shut off inside your head ? where things said and done will not hurt you any more ? kitten became an expert at that, smiling, she used to write in her head, compose stories and poems while her expression was blankly watching ( had learnt early that to not watch was not worth the punishment received)

This is just one chapter in kittens life, it happened and there is nothing kitten can do about the past, maybe tomorrow she will tell you all about someone she meet who changed her, and in a way He is responsible for kitten being with her Master now, kitten cannot live in the past any more,, she has to look to the future but the past is something that shapes our future, it is something that makes us who we are

Kitten is kitten, no more no less, she is an owned slave and she serves her Master as best she can, yes she pisses Him off at times, but she also makes Him smile and she knows He laughs out loud at some of her kitteneze sayings, kitten has very few good friends, there is one she travels hand in hand with daily , kitten has a sister who she hopes to interact with eventually, who knows stranger things happen at sea

Kittens saying ,,,, Always remember who you are, to not be you is to pretend to be someone else

It makes kitten smile when she reads/hears of others misconceptions. Kitten knows that people form preconceived ideas and likes/dislikes to other people based on initial meetings but just lately she has seen those preconceived ideas enter into other things and to be honest she smiles when she hears of them

People seem to think that because kitten is online with her Master during the day and early evening that T/the do nothing but chat and interact, lol if only that was the truth! kitten can be online with Master for hours at a time and not a word spoken as He is busy, this is true for the day as well as the evening, and when kitten does get to talk to Him then invariably others would interrupt assuming that kitten had spoken to Him all day so kitten doesn’t get to interact with Him or have one to one time sometimes for days on end

An example is this week, Master has been busy with various projects and this kitten understands, she still craves that time spent talking but it has not happened yet kitten is sure that people are under the impression that Master talks to kitten constantly … one day this week, kitten and Master were online together for 13 hours total time spent talking amounted to less than 90 minutes, ( spread out over the 13 hours) and that is not the first nor will it be the last time that happens kitten is sure

It seems to kitten that not everything is as it first appears and that is one thing that should be known, just because you think it doesn’t mean it is so… yes kitten is a slave to a poly Master and yes He will talk to kitten when He wishes and about what He wishes, but as with all things, its not all plain sailing and kitten would love to spend time with her Master on her own, but that is something she dreams of and knows happens only when others are not around to interrupt, either work, other projects or other slaves. All slaves are selfish in one way by craving time with the One who owns them, but all slaves need to learn to share if their Master is poly and that kitten does, a selfish slave who demands attention or throws her toys from the pram gets nothing, but by the same token a Master knows that all slaves have needs and wants, and does His best to see that all slaves are being cared for, even if it mean another  slave getting her nose put out of joint

There are many things that happen in life that hurt a person, and its strange how a simple conversation can bring those things back into your mind.

Kitten was having a conversation with her Master last night, He was teasing her, and the subject was in one way a normal one but as the chat went on, things started going through kittens mind, things from the  past and it upset kitten, stupid she knows as Master had no knowledge and so was at a loss as to what was going on. The past has a way of invading the present and affecting the future, and if no one knows what is upsetting then they will invariably touch on that subject and re open old wounds, things which in theory you should be able to get over but as with all things, sometimes the hurt goes too deep and the easiest way is to shut it away in your head and try to ignore it, pray that it never happens again.

Kitten shut down last night, she took the pain, she became a ‘robot’ and let it take over her until she couldn’t take it any more and she became a ‘zombie’ if you like, she went through the motions, she did things automatically and with no thoughts or feelings, she could not explain to Master what was wrong and she still hasn’t, some things are best left in her head and no in the open, for the first time that she can remember kitten was glad Master was busy else where so He would not ask her questions, so He would not want to know what was wrong, lol the good thing was that the things kitten had to do needed no thoughts or interaction with others, that she doesn’t think she could have coped with without having a complete melt down.

Kitten wrote last night, she wrote of her pain, her feelings, her anger all things that she then destroyed it in the vain hope that this will make things disappear but she knows it won’t, she knows that the wrong word or the right question will bring it all back, so she is prepared, she is ready for it, but the question is,, will she be able to cope with it ?

Some things are best left in the past, unfortunately, the past shapes the present and the present determines our future,, so its all interlinked. We can change our own futures but the past that will always remain the same, and can we ever really get over the past ? kitten hopes so as her future depends on it

A slave has many uses tor a Master, and they can range from being a house slave, a slave who helps a Master achieve His dreams, a slave who is there for emotional support, a sex slave, a same sex slave (one who will not have sex with Master but will engage at His request with other slaves He owns) but what if the type of slave you are is not enough? What if you know you are not desired by your Master as you want to be, you know He values you for certain things but He does not desire you sexually, will this be enough for you? Can you serve Him knowing you will never be used by Him?

Kitten knows that the feeling a slave feels for her Master are not just sexual but this forms a part of this life and if your Master shows no interest in you sexually then problems will occur. He will obviously be getting His needs met by others but what about you? A slave is told when to play and when to cum, yet if your Master doesn’t think of her needs then it can be and often is weeks at a time between Him remembering and more often than not it is at her reminder, this only serves to deflate a slaves feelings of self worth, she feels she is not valued or worth thinking about and this can and does lead to her doubting herself, if she is not worth a passing thought then what is she worth?

When you first get with a Master online then it is obviously difficult but in this age of cams, mics, and internet it need not be impossible, and if your sisters tell you that Master ‘ made them cum 12 times last night’ and you have not been played with at all, lol if her Master plays with those He doesn’t own but still not with you then you start to wonder what is wrong with you and question why, kitten knows that all slaves are individual but ultimately the basic needs of a slave should be remembered.

A slave has few needs and if she is a sexual person when her Master meet her and accepted her gift of submission then it stands to reason she will have desires and wants, things that form a part of her and those needs do not go away.

Question need to be asked and answered, this can be a major problem in any relationship not only in the M/s or BDSM life, but in this life the problems are more noticeable, if your Master does not want you,, can you really submit to Him ? Everyone has needs.