Akittenone’s Weblog

Archive for September 2008

Kitten reads a lot of blogs from different people, both Dom’s and Masters subs and slaves and it is amazing the difference of opinion that they all share about the BDSM life, some hae very stark views which in kittens opinion borders on abuse and then there are the ones who are so laid back they are horizontal.

The one thing that most of them have in common though is respect, they all have an enormous amount of respect for the ones to whom they either accept submission from or who they give submission to, and that is one thing kitten admires, RESPECT.

Kitten hears a lot about how it is not a slaves right to ask for anything and she is supposed to be happy with what ever her Master decides she is worth, be it time spent with her or in what tasks He gives her and this kitten does agree with to a certain extent BUT kitten also thinks that even a slave deserves a certain amount of respect as if a Dom/Master does not respect His property then in effect that property is worthless.

Kitten can see sisters throwing their hands up in horror that kitten says this, but if nothing else kitten is honest, both with herself and with her Master and has spoken to Him on occasions about things that kitten thinks and needs, a happy slave means that a Dom/Master will be happy as well as she will go that extra step in serving Him. To not talk to those You own means they are left floundering in what You wish from them, to not use them sexually is one thing, to not use them for domestic chores is another but to not speak or interact with them at all is something that should not happen as this lowers the relationship to a mere friendship status. How many times have you seen your friends in the street that you haven’t spoken to for ages and can have a five minute chat with them and go on your way ,,, a few kitten should think,,,, well this is what will happen to a D/s or M/s relationship if there is no communication and no interaction.

Kitten just wishes those who pretend that life is all good and well while secretly being eaten away when interaction with others take place as they wish it was them would just be honest with themselves and those who own them, its not alright or they would not keep writing about it, talk to your Dom/Master, explain your feelings, kitten has yet to meet a Dom or Master who does not listen, might take a few times and might take a few periods of being accused of not really being submissive and wanting to Domme from the bottom but ultimately a Dom or Master will be able to answer a sub/slaves fears and so enable them to move forward in the relationship.

The thing kitten thinks that needs to be remembered is that everyone needs to be spoken to, take this from someone who was ignored for years, yes a Dom or Master decides the level of interaction and the way a sub or slave will serve Him to complete His life but a sub or slave should also know that she had the basic right to communication, without that there is no relationship.

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It’s 7am and kitten is sitting on the patio, showered and half dressed ready for another long day, all she can hear are the birds in the trees in her garden and the sound of silence, a sound she is used to and one that can fill her with peace or dread, its strange how something can do two different things, there are times when kitten welcomes the silence, when she is troubled or struggling within herself she needs the silence to focus on what she needs to sort out, and yet at other times the silence is a punishment, something that scares her and leaves her with more doubts and fears then the loudest shouting.

Today the silence is confusing her, there is so much going on in her head, it might be the lack of sleep or it might be that she has questions that need to be asked so they can be answered, or it might be that she has doubts and fears that are raising their head more and more lately, and hopefully at some stage today she will figure out what is plaguing her, as to be honest she hates this at the moment she is so confused and mixed up.

Do you ever turn around and look about you, really look at your life and where you are and wonder WHY…. Why am i here, What am i doing, Where am i going ?

Kitten does and these questions have plagued her more and more just lately, she needs direction and focus, kitten needs very little in her life but simple things are the ones she needs the most, she needs to belong and to be honest at the moment kitten doesn’t belong anywhere.

Kitten is sorry for not posting sooner, she is guilty of being busy, she has been promoted and while it doesn’t mean an increase in hours as such ( already work in excess of 40 a week) it does mean extra responsibility and this is just the first of hopefully many, kitten is already studying for the next one, so fingers crossed !

In addition to working full time kitten has been helping her Master, now she knows she cannot work full time on this as she wishes as unfortunately no one pays the bills but kitten, however she works every spare minute she gets and even at work she finds her mind drifting to what she can do, should do, will do when she gets home, smiling when kitten isn’t working its not unusual for her to be on the computer for 18/19 hours a day, she needs to get things done so she can be a part of Masters success, and hopefully this is something that will continue to happen.

What else does kitten do ? well she writes, and she writes and she writes some more, those who know kitten know that she has to put things onto type, she says and feels so much her words are her escape, her feelings are there for all who want to see them, its up to them whether they listen to what she is saying, kitten knows many don’t but that is their loss not kittens, guess thats what makes a friend, being interested in another person and not only being concerned with yourself all the time, lol met a few who were all into the me,me,me conversations but if you never stop to get to know another person then your life will be so lonely,

Kitten sometimes sits here at the computer looking at the screen and asks herself WHY… Why does she need to write, why does she open herself up to hurt from others, why does she want to be friends with people, why does she allow herself to be used as a sounding board to others problems when they are not there for her,why does she value words so much, why why why ?

There is no answer, kitten is kitten, the same as she always has been, she is a friendly person, she values her friends dearly and she loves completely, kitten might not be this amazing sexy fem fatale but kitten is always kitten, honest, opinionated, loyal, trustworthy ( lol modest ? ) This is kitten, she is no more and no less, she is just kitten

Many ask what being a sub/slave entails, and to be honest there is no one single answer as each Dom/Master is different so therefore it stands to reason that what they want from those they own is different, also realise that every sub/slave is different as well so that just adds more to the mix,

A slave desires to serve her Master, in what way is up to them and something that should have been discussed before the gift of submission was offered and accepted, this is something that they talked about, the capacity in which she will serve Him will be something that is not set in stone but a basic guide line and dependant on her abilities, imagine your Master wanting you to serve Him by being a chauffer for Him and you can’t drive,,,, well you either learn really fast or you can’t do that, simple analogy but one that probably shows how a Master and those He owns need to communicate.

A lot is said about a Dom or Masters needs and desires but what of those needs of a slave, and kitten is not talking about sex, although being a permanently sexual person that is something she does need in her life as well, but kitten is talking about serving Him in all ways. Kitten has been a 24/7 slave and she has some knowledge of how this life can be, its not all sex and scenes, its not all roses and candles ( lol took while before this kitten realised candles have more than one use ! ) Its about so much more and its that which a slave needs to know.

A slave is there to enrich her Masters life, she is there to help Him and support Him, she is there to do His bidding when ever she can and that is how its supposed to be BUT at the same time a Master needs to be there for His slave, He needs to offer her the support she needs, He needs to be there for her when things are worrying her, He needs to help her make the right choices in her life.

A Master who does not communicate with those He owns will never get the best from them as they will never know what He wants from them, and that is a shame for B/both of T/them as a slave will go that extra mile to please her One. A slave needs to know she is doing well, that she is a part of her Masters life and He values her as His, this is usually done in many ways, one of which is one on one with the slave, one on one is especially important for slaves owned by poly Masters, this is their time to talk and interact with no interruptions from others, their sisters should respect that and the Master should make it clear that He will tolerate no interruptions as that is just a sign of jealousy on the others part.

A Master has many needs but so does a slave, satisfy a Masters needs and she will be satisfying her own, but if her needs are not being met then she needs to tell Him, talk to Him, explain to Him and as her Master He needs to listen to her, failure to communicate and actually listen to E/each O/other is one of the most destructive things in this life,

Many people ask kitten why she needs to serve, why she desires to be owned by a Master, and that kitten cannot answer, kitten does know how much it cuts her when her Master asks if she wants release so she can find a Master closer to her, and she guesses in some ways that is a valid question, but one that hurts her deeply none the less.

Lots of things go together to make a slave want to serve a certain Master, no one part more or less important then the other, you cannot help who you desire to be with, whether in a vanilla or BDSM or a D/s M/s relationship, there needs to be feelings on both parts to make a relationship work, Sexual attraction is a good start so if you desire your Master in that way then that is a good start but must not be all of it, no relationship can survive on sex alone ( might be a wonderful few weeks though ! )

A slave desires to talk to her Master, to find out all she can about Him so she can serve Him better and He needs to give her that opportunity or the relationship is going to fail, and just as she needs to know about Him, then He needs to know about her, He needs to know her fears and desires, her hopes and dreams, her strengths and weaknesses, all these things are part of getting to know each other so Y/you can both know if this is something that Y/you both desire and want.

Another thing that a slave who desires a certain Master needs to know, especially if He is poly is about others He owns, ( good example of the reason why is found here,,,http://dennisnajee.blogspot.com/2008/08/personality-conflict.html) if He is poly and owns many or even just a few they need to get along as they will all be a part of His life and to not be able to communicate with each other will only make His life more difficult, however if they do not get on for what ever reason then they need to at least be civil to each other, many times the problems come when the ‘primary’ slave takes it upon herself to inform the others of what Her Master is doing all the time, there are times when this sort of information is welcome but ultimately it is not her responsibility unless she has been told by Master to take it upon herself to become His voice where others are concerned, their behaviour and interaction is between the Master and them and not her.

There are so many things that can hamper a relationship no matter what type it is and all these are things that can be worked out, kitten thinks that the Master and slave need to talk, we might be slaves but we still have doubts and concerns, we need to know what is required of us and how we can serve a Master, the same goes for a Master, He needs to know what we are hoping for from this relationship, what role we see Him playing in our lives, TPE sex slave part time sub ? How is He to know what we want from this if we do not tell Him ?

So to serve a Master,,, well it does not matter where He lives, it is not the place, it is not the distance that makes a Master, it is the PERSON who makes the Master, that is who a slave desires to serve, the person who is her Master,

As kitten sits here in the garden, for once the sun is shining and it looks like its going to be a lovely day, kitten really hopes so, she needs to feel the sun on her skin and the warmth invading her body, lol kitten loves the heat and hates the cold, guess she lives in the wrong part of the world for many reasons and that is just another one.

So what shall kitten write? been a few days since she has wrote anything, well that’s not strictly true kitten so far has wrote about 40 pages of things, her thoughts, her feelings, her hopes and dreams, that last part was thanks to a friend, seems she is interested in what kitten wishes for and what kitten wants from her life, and that is a wonderful feeling, to be remembered and thought of.

Kitten is the type of person who remembers things, guess you could say its something she has done all her life, remembered dates, events, upcoming appointments, its a part of what she has always done and its something she does now automatically and as she was reminded the other day, just because she thinks and remembers important things to others doesn’t mean they will remember anything that is going on in kittens life, that is something she needs to realise, what is important to her is not to anyone else and so she needs to just deal with things herself in her own way.

A friend of Kittens had to go and file assault charges the other day against someone, it was horrible and something she never wants to do again, but the worst of it was, he got a slap on the wrist and a caution, it will go on his file but no actual court charges are being brought against him because it was a first offence and she was not seriously harmed, apart from being shaken up and a bit bruised, but that it seems doesn’t count for much, guess she should have let him beat her up a bit more, who knows, maybe then it might have been different.

The reason kitten mentions this is because the friend lives this lifestyle and kitten wonders if that has anything to do with why the charges were reduced? The authorities look at the people involved and they have no real understanding of what and how we live, they judge us as a whole group and they see us all involved in kinky bondage, whips and cuff type sex, so if that’s true then maybe the assault wasn’t assault but a play time that went a bit far and the woman decided she didn’t want to play any more? Well they would have been very wrong but that is something that she has to prove, they were both dressed but her top was ripped, her arms were bruised from his grip and the mark on her face from his hand should have told them that, but on looking around the house and him telling the police that she likes it rough, ask any of their ‘friends’ well she then becomes the one who has to prove what happened, instead of the victim the burden of proof laid on her, and unless she dragged her children into it then she had only her word against his.

The only thing that could be done was that her friends could support her, knowing the events that took place they could only listen to her and be there for her, something she appreciated kitten is sure as to go through that on your own must have been horrible. In this life style we are open to others opinions daily, and it seems that unfortunately others misconceptions of who and what we are do affect us in ways that unfortunatly until events happen and we need outside help we really have no knowledge of.

Sometimes it feels as though you are struggling up a really big mountain when you enter this life, something kitten really prays to get to the top of eventually as at the top lays happiness and contentment and all that kitten wants to make her complete

Every one wants to feel useful, they want to be a part of something and these feeling are no less, in fact they are probably more intense if you are a sub/slave in the D/s M/s lifestyle. A slave is supposed to be a part of her Masters life, she can be a part of the sex side only or she can be a non sex slave and be used for her knowledge or skills in another area of her Masters life, but what if you are neither ? What if you are not ‘involved’ in any part of His life, you are not used for the fun sex side or the hard work business side, then what are you ?

A slave and in certain cases a sub as well need to feel useful, they crave the chance to show their owners that they can and will help in any way they can, if the things that need doing are work related then if taught they will strive to put 110% effort into any task given and if sex related, well that is something that kitten is sure they will need no effort or encouragement in.

A slave has few needs and those are easily satisfied, they need to be a part of their Masters life and if it is online then the feelings of being included and wanted are harder to portray, the effort needed on both parts is greater and at times words typed and words meant are not the same, or the meanings are open for misinterpretation, both of which can cause conflict and hurt feelings, this is where communication is vital, the lines should be open so that both the Master and the slave can talk to each other about what is going on and what is expected of her, can you imagine how many games would be lost in a Football game if the coach told the players to just get on with it and get the ball, there is no directions, no game plan, no words of encouragement, well the same can be true for this life as well.