Akittenone’s Weblog

Archive for March 2009

Just a quick post, kitten wanted to tell you that she is not all doom and gloom, that she is in fact someone who loves to laugh and mess about, and last night she was doing that, can’t explain the exact things but lets just say kitten is going to take the FBI Hostage negotiations course when she gets to the states, if it works for them then hopefully kitten will stand a chance against Master !!!

Master was teasing kitten last night, ok nothing unusual about that, except this time kitten was being a smart ass and she had the ‘perfect’ solution to what He was saying, only two things wrong with that

#1 kitten was trying to make a deal with Master ( and god knows that never works out as kitten thinks it will ) and

#2 She was laughing to hard for Him to understand straight away so that gave Him time to make a comeback and kitten ended up being told she would do both of the things she was making a deal about !!!!!!!!!!

Now kitten has been banned from saying no, non, nope, nada, hell no, dream on batman, no way jose, or anything else that means no to Master, and kitten is inventive if nothing else so now the smilies on im are banned as well( the surprised one on yahoo shakes its head, kitten was overloading on that one last night till she was banned from using it ) so she has to say Yes Master and omg that is so hard as He deliberately says things or does things that make kitten say no, and for each no kitten gets a pillow or a hug or a kiss, at His count last night ( and kitten really thinks He needs more maths lessons ) kitten will be kissing and cuddling till she is 90 and that is at least 5 a day, without interest !And another thing, Master now informs kitten that a hug is something that can be left off and resumed at His leisure, and it is still the same hug ???? Now kitten knows He is making that bit up !

There is something to be said for being owned by an inventive Master, life is never dull around Him thats for sure, thank You Master, just for being You

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Well another day crossed off the list, time is moving and kitten is thinking, hhhmm not sure is that is good or bad to be honest.

Kitten has always managed to hold herself ‘aloof’ she very rarely lets people get close enough to really affect her, well that is all breaking down, Master has got to her, and holding herself back and keeping a distance is becoming harder and harder, and that scares kitten a lot.

Kitten has been reading some of her old post, she sees herself being soft and soppy, and that is not kitten, she is tough, strong, she needs no one and nothing from others, yet He manages to get to her in stupid ways, either things said or things done and to be honest kitten is fighting that, she cannot depend on anyone, that makes her needy, she needs to rely on herself, let no one in, stay aloof, stay safe.

How can one person do this to another ? How can He get to her when she resists at all turns ? He says things about hugs and kisses, all things kitten sucks at, they are things kitten doesn’t know how to do well, so she doesn’t do them, end of story.

In being with Master kitten has faced a LOT of others who think that she should not be, and she has lost a few ‘friends’ along the way, last night another one decided to put their opinions across, have they spoken to others ? Don’t really know, all kitten knows is that they were a very good friend from a friends site that she used to go on, now she doesn’t go there anymore and they want her to, they want to get her to go back to online with others, to chat and laugh, to be a part of the fun group again,

Kitten is thinking too hard, she knows that no matter what she is trying to do her thoughts and feelings keep pushing themselves forward, hell kitten either wants to be with Master NOW so He can sort things for her or she wants to run fast, and at the moment it is a tightly run race as to what wins. The fact that she wants Master to help sort things out is something she doesn’t like, always before she could sort things herself, close them away and shut a bit more of herself away, that is getting harder to do as each day goes by and kitten can’t deal with that, not at all

Kitten spends quite a bit of time talking to Master about everything and anything, to be honest kitten is now getting used to how His mind jumps about and most of the time she can follow His conversation, be it about the stock market or the weather, certain sexual things * and nope not saying what they are but kitten will say eeeeeeewwwwwww * and kitten values the time she spends with Him, lol she knows He is usually chatting online with others at the same time, this is what makes following His conversations so interesting !


Well Master asked some questions last night and kitten answered them as best she could, they were questions that were really hard to answer. After kitten had answered them she made a comment, and Master said something, something that made kitten think even more, He said ‘ We all make our own paths in life, and it is our right to search out our happiness ‘


He is right, it is kittens right to be happy, she deserves it as much as the next person, and while she knows being with Master will upset a few others, that is their problem, selfish kitten knows, but should she not take this chance of happiness so she can make others feel better ? Do they deserve to be happy more than kitten does ? And is their happiness really dependant on kitten not coming or on something else that kitten has no control over ?


Wow deep thought s for a morning, but its true, kitten does have as much right as anyone else at being happy and this life makes her happy, she knows there will be struggles, and she is not stupid enough to believe it will all be plain sailing, there will be life issues kitten has to face, kitten also knows she will have a few problems facing certain things, all of which she is sure she will cope with if she has Master by her side,


Guess the reason for kittens ramblings this morning is to say, We all deserve to be happy, other peoples feelings are not something we can really control, just as kitten has to do what is right for her then they have to look inside themselves and know what is right for them, be it M/s D/s or something more traditional, their happiness is something only they can determine.

Square Peg in a Round Hole

Ever get the feeling you are a square peg trying to be knocked into a round hole

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http://www.edenfantasys.com/roses-flogger/adult-toys-dvds-23448

kitten found this online, it is one of the few times she hopes Master ‘gives’ her flowers !!! lol kitten is nothing if not hopeful

Kitten sits here and wonders what to write about, at the moment all she can think of is the dull ache between her legs, an ache that has been getting worse as the time is getting closer to being with Master. Kitten is no ones fool, she knows that her life with Master will not be sex sex sex as that is not the M/s way regardless of what you have read or been told, if it was then all slaves would walk like John Wayne just getting off his horse and all Masters would need oxygen as lets face it, no one can have sex 24 hours a day 7 days a week !!


Back to the ache, well kitten has been talking with Master, pillows and hugs and kisses etc etc and as hard as kitten tries He will not change His mind * boy is He one stubborn Master at times * but last night He made a slip, lol He said He cannot wait to paddle kittens ass, well let kitten tell you, she melted ! she even said she would love a pillow, if only to sit on with her sore ass, and she knows that He is teasing with the pillows, now to work on the hugs and kisses.


When kitten thinks about being with Him she will admit to wanting Him, something she is a bit scared of as she knows a slave should desire her Master, what is the point of submitting if the one you submit to repulses you, and kitten does desire Him very much, and that is what scares her at times, is it wise to ache for your Master, does that not put more pressure on Him ? And at the end of the day it is not about kittens satisfaction, it is about Masters, so if kitten feels like this about Him now then will she be able to forget her needs to make sure His are met ?


Kitten hopes she will be able to serve Master well, she has no doubts at all there will be some moments of tension as at the moment kitten has only been online with Him, and having served a Master r/t she knows there is a vast difference, and at times she will admit to being stroppy and sullen, as well as mouthy, things she would never dared to be previously, so kitten wonders if she can really get back to being the slave she needs to be, Do you forget how to serve ? Does your focus become centred on you and not Master ? Having never been a me me me type person kitten finds having these thoughts, feelings and this ache is something she is not used to, and to be honest, she is not sure she likes it,  she wants to serve Master, she needs to be real time and she needs to be able to be kitten once more, Damn it, just said kitten was not a me me me type and the last line was about what she wanted, not what Master wanted.


God help kitten she has a feeling she is going to struggle if she is not with Him soon

When kitten first booked her ticket to move to Master it seems as if the time would never get here, she had already been through so much jealousy and trouble before she even booked the ticket, she had been warned away by others who thought they were helping some have a one to one relationship with Master, something they really had no idea of as Master is poly, if it was not kitten it would be another, Master is a poly Master, He does not want a one on one and that some cannot accept, this is not a boyfriend/girlfriend type of relationship and never will be.

That said the time to leave draws closer, and with that comes the stupidity that kitten has come to accept, she knows there are many that will never accept her being with Him but that is something they will have to get used to, she is going to be Masters kitten 24/7 and she has got to the stage she wants no interaction with others and their childish games. Kitten is writing this with the knowledge that it will be read, and she knows it will strike feelings of anger and bitterness in some but that is not kittens problem any more, having always been upfront with Master she has nothing to hide, she has not lied and tried to cover things up and she has not played games, kittens words and what she thinks and feels are always open for others to read, she does not feel the need to be secretive about them, By leaving her blogs open kitten has also left herself open for comments and nastyness from others but that is something kitten had come to expect, and lol she loves it when people run true to form.

Kitten is leaving soon and then she will be able to serve her Master as she needs to, others opinions and fears are not her concern any more, that is their problem, and one they need to deal with. Reading this kitten sounds hard and cold, she isn’t really, she is just fed up trying to please others, fed up always being the one to say sorry and she is fed up with always having to fight or defend herself, Master accepted kittens submission, He wants kitten there 24/7 to live with Him and what Master wants kitten will do all in her power to give Him

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