Akittenone’s Weblog

Archive for January 2009

Kitten loves the paddle, whether she is good or bad, she enjoys to be spanked * ok as a punishment it leaves something to be desired but kitten not complaining * however kitten has now finally come to realise the hr Master is a tease, without a doubt and with no other word for Him, He loves to tease kitten !

Kitten was told last night that Master was counting how many paddles He is going to give kitten, great she thought, her face lighting up, however He then added …….. “ in 4.5 years “ kitten was WTH !!!!! 4.5 years, that is 1626 days,39025 hours,2341440 minutes !!!!

Now heres the thing, if kitten doesn’t get spanked, then will her ass be too soft for the paddles, omg can you imagine, kitten and no paddle, thats like coffee with no water, or yin with no yan, its not normal at all.

So now kitten is on her best behaviour * well as best as kitten can get * she wants to prove to Master she can be an angel and she does deserve to be treated, you can keep the cuddles and the kisses, they are something kitten does not like at all, give her a paddle and watch her smile * and moan and groan and wriggle, lol watch kitten purrrrr *

So if kitten is bad then she will accept she deserves a cuddle and a kiss * nope* but if she is good * as she is always * then she deserves a paddle

Guess this goes to show, one slaves pleasure is another slaves pain, and it seems Master wants to teach kitten the finer arts of kissing and cuddling, kitten was at one stage trying to suggest trades, but for some reason * ok for a lot of reasons * kitten soon discovered that rrading with Master is not a good idea, lol not at all !! Master is as quick as a flash when it comes to that type of thing and kitten ended up getting in such a pickle she was not sure if she was sitting down or standing up,

So now we wait and see, the only thing kitten can do is hope that Master forgets, and if she keeps changing the subject then it might just work, pillows, kissing and cuddling ? hhhhmmmm not really kittens thing, she has little experience with them and knows she is no good at them so she tends to keep away from things she cannot do, so fingers crossed Master forgets

kitten has been offered a new job, with the same company and at almost the same pay, but the responsibility and the hours will change, and to be honest not sure it is something kitten can do, she needs to make so many arrangements for son, and unless she pays out more money that means she will have to ask ex to do more, and kitten knows how that will end, kitten is already having problems with him, and if she takes this job then the problems will worsen kitten is sure, kitten will then have to have contact with him on an almost daily basis, not something she wants at all !
The only good side is she would not have to pay more childcare costs, kitten really torn what to do, she knows she is lucky to have a job the way things are going and she is grateful for that, she is the same as everyone else, bills to pay and food to buy but this will not actually bring much more money in, it will be a move to another job and that in itself kitten is worried about, she knows she can do it but it will mean more interaction with people, and kitten much prefers to do her job, she doesn’t like getting to know people, she always ends up getting hurt, and this job will be one where she has to get to know the staff in other shops, advise them and help them if there is a problem within the shop of any nature.
Kitten knows she should talk to Master but this is not something He can really help with, as there is an ocean between us at the moment, soon, when kitten is with Him then there will be no question of her going to Him, after all it would be His decision on what kitten did So kitten is confused once more and yeap add more doubts and worries to her already growing list

“Talk to me, tell me what you are doing, I have a right to know and you are going to tell me  “ These are the words kitten was greeted with from her daughter, seems she was not content with talking kittens passport so kitten could not go to Master * kitten got it back when daughters boyfriend found it and wondered why it was in his house* no it seems she has been going through kittens computer and is telling her father all that kitten is doing * and kitten is sure most of it is made up as kitten hasn’t done anything wrong*

Kitten is going to be with Master soon for a visit, hopefully if things go well and Master is happy with kitten it will be more but in the mean time kitten seems to be getting objections and questions, arguments and bad feelings from every angle, and to be honest, it is wearing kitten down.

There are certain things kitten does not feel her daughter needs to know, and kitten would tell her if it was her business, but as it is, she is old enough that she has her own life now, so why can kitten not be allowed the same ? kitten knows ex is not happy, lol got the bruises to prove it* kitten doesn’t think he meant to push her really but guess he got cross with kitten * but at the end of the day, he has another sub, one who he loves to flaunt in kittens face at every opportunity so why can kitten not have a Master who respects her and treats her as a Master should ?

Guess this is just another step kitten has to take to be happy, and take the steps she will, kitten has been at the receiving end of so much that now it is her turn, and to hell with those who don’t like it, after all the only one who has a say in this is Master.

Why, that is one of the worst words in the English language, follow that with who, where and you have the makings of a fearful sentence, but to kitten the worst word is RELEASE. Kitten has heard this word bandied about, said in jest at times and as a way of trying to control at other times, unfortunately kitten knows the fear this word brings and until you have experienced it, and only then, will a sub or slave know this is not something to jest about, it is the one single word that can destroy a slave and unless you are completely unhappy with your Dom or Master then you will feel the terror of this word for ages to come. Master knows kitten has many fears, she tries to hide them, keep them to herself but there are times when things happen and her thoughts take over, and it is at these times kitten gets scared, she is scared of what will happen, what Master will do or say, and this is an irrational fear as He has never done or said anything to hurt kitten, the opposite in fact, He is constantly telling kitten she is safe and loved, He is always trying to praise kitten for things done, yet still the fears are there, and the fears multiply when things go wrong, or things happen that kitten cannot control. Kitten knows she is not liked by everyone, lol if she was then that would make her question what she was doing, but kitten is kitten, she is as honest as she can be in her interactions with others and she is always honest with herself * and at times that is the most important thing* kitten is always honest with Master, well she is ! kitten knows there are times she does not wish to tell Him what is going on in her head, but this is not dishonest, this is kitten keeping her fears and worries inside, its the best for everyone at times, kitten knows how her thoughts can hurt her and she will not hurt Master. This is a weird post, even for kitten, guess when she was reading another blog and the word release was mentioned things sprang to kittens mind, and as the time grows closer to kitten being with Master kitten has a feeling the fears and doubts she has inside will start to slowly leak out, kitten prays that is not the case, not really sure kitten is strong enough to deal with that along with all the other stuff as well

This is going to be a weird post, so please if you can be bothered bear with it, kitten has so much going on in her head, she can’t seem to make sense of things, and the things all lead to other things, running around and around never giving any peace.

kitten spoke briefly with Master last night, He is poorly so kitten never got to spend much time with Him as such  and with Him trying to catch up with work as well, the gaps in the chat were long at times, and this kitten doesn’t mind, kitten knows that when He has time He will chat with kitten, what confused her were some of the things said, whether in jest or not they make things in kittens head all the more muddled.

kitten knows she will be going into a situation that will be fraught with tension, not from Master * well not at first, lol guess it depends on the atmosphere between the slaves * and that worries her, to willingly put yourself into a situation that is tense with feelings already is something kitten does not recommend, the only thing kitten can say is at least she has been honest the whole way through, there has been no mistakes in how she sees things going, just wish others would be as well, without lying to everyone including themselves.

kitten has a need to be with Master, this is the beginning for kitten, and if things work out, then who knows, kitten could be moving perminantly, something she is sure will please some and not others, but that is not up to them, the decisions will be Masters then kittens, when talking about kitten and her life they are the only opinions that matter, so kitten prays she finds her happiness with Master without to much outside interferance, so far that has not been the case, not only with in the poly family but with kittens family as well,

kitten knows her daughter has a big problem with kitten going to Master, and she has been going and telling tales  to her father, this has been hard for kitten, but she lets him say what he wants to, call her the names he feels he needs to, then when he is gone then kitten sits and closes them away, one by one she takes his words and hides then inside, it is how kitten needs to do things to survive, some people cannot help themselves, and he is one of them, he needs to dominate kitten still, but the trouble is he really doesn’t like kitten, so is it domination of is it the feeling of loosing what once was his, he has no use for kitten but he will not let her be happy so he wants to break her, lol told you this was a weird post.

so many things in kittens head, one day, well in 80 days kitten will be with Master, then finally once and for all kitten can be happy, its the journey there that is going to be traumatic kitten thinks, but she is counting the days, counting the minutes until she can finally be in Masters arms, safe, loved and protected

There is one thing kitten loves, well ok there are a few things she loves, but one of the most wonderful things to kitten is to hear Master laugh.

kitten has learnt over the months that Master is a dreadful tease ! He will take something kitten says and sort of turn it about a bit and before kitten knows it she is agreeing to something she had no intention of of even suggesting let alone agreeing to !

As it stands at the moment, kitten owes Master a lifetime of cuddles and kisses * for those who know kitten, they also know she would gladley swop those for a paddle on her ass*  But these she will take with happiness * sort off* as she heard Him laugh when He was saying it, and that was the most magical sound in the world to kitten, knowing she has made Him happy, knowing she has put that twinkle in His eyes, and she knows He was happy with kitten, and He wanted to torment her in a fun way.

There is enough time in this life for the serious side of things, times when kitten is stumbling and falling as the thoughts in her head get out of control but when Master has calmed her, when He has picked her up and shown kitten her worth and made her feel safe again, then the time for laughter is never more important, this is life, this is kittens life and Master knows what kitten needs * most of the time before kitten does*

Never loose the laughter in your life, and never stop trying to make those you care for happy, kitten was told she could never loves anyone but that was wrong, she loves Master, and its that love that makes her want to make Him happy, in any way she can, so if kitten has a katrillion kittes that she owes Master of a bazillion cuddles, as long as He was laughing then she will willingly go to His open arms * but for gods sake please don’t tell Him ! *