Akittenone’s Weblog

Posts Tagged ‘consensual

Kitten had always considered herself a sexual person, but over the years, as life took over her journey her sex drive seemed to wan off, she was not bothered about sex, when she was told to do something she did it but very rarely did she get the ‘urge’ to ask for something, to ask to cum or play, she was getting to the stage she was content to watch him play with his others or indeed, not watch as the relationship broke down more and more but now she has a problem !

Master has a body to die for and He loves being naked, nothing wrong with that kitten knows but damn it makes for some uncomfortable thoughts in her head ! kitten is a slave and as such it is not her place to initiate sex or touch without permission, either herself or Master and when kitten sees Master naked it is so very hard to keep her mind on tasks or chores she is supposed to be doing.

Master knows that kitten loves the paddle/crop/switch and the marks on her body prove that He loves it as well, but omg kitten is insatiable where He is concerned and is almost catatonic at times when He pleases her. The ability to please Master with her mouth, pussy, ass is something kitten loves * for so many reasons some of which are really selfish !! and as time moves on kitten is finding that Master is awakening the parts of her she thought were dead and forgotten.

Kitten is once more becoming the person she was, but this time a new and improved version, one who is allowed to have likes and dislikes, thoughts and feeling, who is allowed to be sensual and sexual, now al kitten needs is for Master to realise that cuddles and pillows are really not that sexy and she will be in heaven !!!

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Kitten sits here and wonders what to write about, at the moment all she can think of is the dull ache between her legs, an ache that has been getting worse as the time is getting closer to being with Master. Kitten is no ones fool, she knows that her life with Master will not be sex sex sex as that is not the M/s way regardless of what you have read or been told, if it was then all slaves would walk like John Wayne just getting off his horse and all Masters would need oxygen as lets face it, no one can have sex 24 hours a day 7 days a week !!

Back to the ache, well kitten has been talking with Master, pillows and hugs and kisses etc etc and as hard as kitten tries He will not change His mind * boy is He one stubborn Master at times * but last night He made a slip, lol He said He cannot wait to paddle kittens ass, well let kitten tell you, she melted ! she even said she would love a pillow, if only to sit on with her sore ass, and she knows that He is teasing with the pillows, now to work on the hugs and kisses.

When kitten thinks about being with Him she will admit to wanting Him, something she is a bit scared of as she knows a slave should desire her Master, what is the point of submitting if the one you submit to repulses you, and kitten does desire Him very much, and that is what scares her at times, is it wise to ache for your Master, does that not put more pressure on Him ? And at the end of the day it is not about kittens satisfaction, it is about Masters, so if kitten feels like this about Him now then will she be able to forget her needs to make sure His are met ?

Kitten hopes she will be able to serve Master well, she has no doubts at all there will be some moments of tension as at the moment kitten has only been online with Him, and having served a Master r/t she knows there is a vast difference, and at times she will admit to being stroppy and sullen, as well as mouthy, things she would never dared to be previously, so kitten wonders if she can really get back to being the slave she needs to be, Do you forget how to serve ? Does your focus become centred on you and not Master ? Having never been a me me me type person kitten finds having these thoughts, feelings and this ache is something she is not used to, and to be honest, she is not sure she likes it,  she wants to serve Master, she needs to be real time and she needs to be able to be kitten once more, Damn it, just said kitten was not a me me me type and the last line was about what she wanted, not what Master wanted.

God help kitten she has a feeling she is going to struggle if she is not with Him soon

Kitten loves the paddle, whether she is good or bad, she enjoys to be spanked * ok as a punishment it leaves something to be desired but kitten not complaining * however kitten has now finally come to realise the hr Master is a tease, without a doubt and with no other word for Him, He loves to tease kitten !

Kitten was told last night that Master was counting how many paddles He is going to give kitten, great she thought, her face lighting up, however He then added …….. “ in 4.5 years “ kitten was WTH !!!!! 4.5 years, that is 1626 days,39025 hours,2341440 minutes !!!!

Now heres the thing, if kitten doesn’t get spanked, then will her ass be too soft for the paddles, omg can you imagine, kitten and no paddle, thats like coffee with no water, or yin with no yan, its not normal at all.

So now kitten is on her best behaviour * well as best as kitten can get * she wants to prove to Master she can be an angel and she does deserve to be treated, you can keep the cuddles and the kisses, they are something kitten does not like at all, give her a paddle and watch her smile * and moan and groan and wriggle, lol watch kitten purrrrr *

So if kitten is bad then she will accept she deserves a cuddle and a kiss * nope* but if she is good * as she is always * then she deserves a paddle

Guess this goes to show, one slaves pleasure is another slaves pain, and it seems Master wants to teach kitten the finer arts of kissing and cuddling, kitten was at one stage trying to suggest trades, but for some reason * ok for a lot of reasons * kitten soon discovered that rrading with Master is not a good idea, lol not at all !! Master is as quick as a flash when it comes to that type of thing and kitten ended up getting in such a pickle she was not sure if she was sitting down or standing up,

So now we wait and see, the only thing kitten can do is hope that Master forgets, and if she keeps changing the subject then it might just work, pillows, kissing and cuddling ? hhhhmmmm not really kittens thing, she has little experience with them and knows she is no good at them so she tends to keep away from things she cannot do, so fingers crossed Master forgets

The most powerful part of the body is the mind, it is something that you can use limitlessly, it is full of wonder and excitement, it is full of knowledge but always has room for more, it can destroy the greatest idea or create the newest invention, the mind is something that has no boundaries, no limits not expectations, it simple is ,, and knowing how to use it is something no one will ever master, its possibilities are endless and even the greatest of people will never understand it.

Kitten has a mind, she has hopes dreams and desires, she has expectations and beliefs and those all stem from her mind, a tool she uses daily and it serves her well at times, but there is a part of kittens mind that she uses to store thing, a locked door if you like that she keeps things hidden, closed away from the rest of her so she cannot be hurt by them, cannot let them into her life and take from her, that part of kittens mind is somewhere she tries not to go but invariably there are times when the door gets opened and things crash into the rest of her mind, taking over, controlling her, kitten struggles to push them back, hurrying to slam the door on them, she can’t let them in, she needs to keep them closed off and not give them room inside her, to do this could and most likely would break her, something she fights not to let happen.

Kitten is a pain slut, she can take being tied and whipped, she loves the feel of the paddle on (and in) her pussy, the sweet sharp pain that excites her and pleases her, nipples pinched and clamped tight, ankles tied tight as her body is stretched open for His pleasure (and ultimately hers as well) This is physical pain, a wonderful feeling if it is something you enjoy, so why does emotional pain hurt her so bad? Why can she not deal with that as well? Why does she need to shut down that part of her and hide it away?

Kitten knows that the way she will deal with this is to ignore it, put it in that room in her mind and close the door hard on it , not mention it, not let it have any space in her active mind, There are still things that kitten has to do to take this to the conclusion that she knows must happen, and that will be hard, she doesn’t know if she is strong enough to do it, she knows it will hurt so many people not least of all her, can she do it ? Will she have the strength? kitten really wishes she had a time machine, she would turn the clock back and do things differently but that is not to be and so she locks her mind, closes it off and turns to the world and smiles, showing them what they expect to see, telling them what they expect to hear, supporting them as they expect her to, these things she can do as in doing them she doesn’t need to think about her own pain.

Don’t mention it, don’t talk about it, close it away, and then kitten will be fine, she is all singing all dancing and that is how the world will see her, nothing can touch her, nothing can hurt her anymore

Kitten is a person who needs words, she needs to hear them, she needs to have things said and she needs to ‘feel’ the things spoken.

Words typed are hard to interpret; simple words can be mistaken in their intent, for example, the words “I Love You “…. I love you she said with tears running from her eyes, the pain clear on her face……. I love you she smiled, laughing up at Him as she took the flowers offered….. The same words but two different meanings, one filled with pain and one filled with happiness

In some ways the online interaction with your Dom/Master is the same, He can and often does ask/tell you to do something, give an instruction and you act on it, but the task is not clear, the words being told to you could sound harsh and you think of what you have done wrong, in most cases ( but lol if you are kitten its not always guaranteed) you have done nothing wrong but the way things are typed and indeed with typos it can seem that you have and this is something that a sub/slave when ‘talking’ to their One can find hard to understand, lol and with internet connections not being the most reliable of things in bad weather or power failures, the sudden disappearance can cause no end of heart aches and self searching wondering where the heck you went wrong and what you did

Its the simple things that a sub/slave finds pleasure in, smiling, for kitten it is silly things, a picture sent of something her Master knew she would like, a song, a quote, all these things show a sub/slave that their Dom/Master does know them and their ‘normal’ likes and dislikes and not just things pertaining to sex, theses things can and do go along way to making a sub/slave feel as though her Dom/Master thinks of her even when He is busy or not in the best mind frame where she is concerned, ( again kitten knows she makes Master cross at times, well not exactly cross but she exasperates Him with her questions and doubts, but lol He has admitted He has never had a slave who pushed His buttons as much as kitten does so its good practice for Him for when kitten gets there as kitten is kitten and she will always be asking questions )

Guess the point kitten is making is when interacting with another on the internet, no matter who they are think about what you are typing, words are powerful things, they can make you laugh, they can make you smile but they can also break your heart

Hand in Hand we climb this hill,, together we can free fall

Hand in Hand we climb this hill,, together we can free fall

Do you ever wonder about your life? About where and when it is going to go your way? When you will ever realise your dreams, your hopes? Your ambitions?

Its strange, kitten really though she was set for life,when she was with her previous Master, who was also her husband, she was happy and contented, things were ok, lol nothing is ever perfect is it and kitten served Him in everyway He demanded, some of the things kitten had to do have affected her in small ways and even now a word or a gesture can make the memories flood back, the other night was an example of that , then things changed, in a bad way, and kitten was in a place that she prays no slave or sub will ever be, she had to make a choice, her child or her Master.

It is one of the worst decisions kitten has ever made, she had no choice really, her child was dying ( kitten thanks god he is still with her and as well as he can be )and needed her so there was no contest, that in itself made kitten a bad slave in His eyes, this lead to years of not being good enough, not being worth anything, kitten was useless she was a failure lol kitten was so many things she is sure some of the words He actually made up.

Eventually kitten could take no more and He left, it was His choice though not kittens, kitten had been ignored sexually for so long it didn’t make any difference to her, He would take people home with Him, other subs and pleasure them in front of kitten and make her watch, all the time telling her she will never know the feeling of Him again as she was too fat/ugly/stupid to deserve it . Do you ever shut off inside your head ? where things said and done will not hurt you any more ? kitten became an expert at that, smiling, she used to write in her head, compose stories and poems while her expression was blankly watching ( had learnt early that to not watch was not worth the punishment received)

This is just one chapter in kittens life, it happened and there is nothing kitten can do about the past, maybe tomorrow she will tell you all about someone she meet who changed her, and in a way He is responsible for kitten being with her Master now, kitten cannot live in the past any more,, she has to look to the future but the past is something that shapes our future, it is something that makes us who we are

Kitten is kitten, no more no less, she is an owned slave and she serves her Master as best she can, yes she pisses Him off at times, but she also makes Him smile and she knows He laughs out loud at some of her kitteneze sayings, kitten has very few good friends, there is one she travels hand in hand with daily , kitten has a sister who she hopes to interact with eventually, who knows stranger things happen at sea

Kittens saying ,,,, Always remember who you are, to not be you is to pretend to be someone else

It makes kitten smile when she reads/hears of others misconceptions. Kitten knows that people form preconceived ideas and likes/dislikes to other people based on initial meetings but just lately she has seen those preconceived ideas enter into other things and to be honest she smiles when she hears of them

People seem to think that because kitten is online with her Master during the day and early evening that T/the do nothing but chat and interact, lol if only that was the truth! kitten can be online with Master for hours at a time and not a word spoken as He is busy, this is true for the day as well as the evening, and when kitten does get to talk to Him then invariably others would interrupt assuming that kitten had spoken to Him all day so kitten doesn’t get to interact with Him or have one to one time sometimes for days on end

An example is this week, Master has been busy with various projects and this kitten understands, she still craves that time spent talking but it has not happened yet kitten is sure that people are under the impression that Master talks to kitten constantly … one day this week, kitten and Master were online together for 13 hours total time spent talking amounted to less than 90 minutes, ( spread out over the 13 hours) and that is not the first nor will it be the last time that happens kitten is sure

It seems to kitten that not everything is as it first appears and that is one thing that should be known, just because you think it doesn’t mean it is so… yes kitten is a slave to a poly Master and yes He will talk to kitten when He wishes and about what He wishes, but as with all things, its not all plain sailing and kitten would love to spend time with her Master on her own, but that is something she dreams of and knows happens only when others are not around to interrupt, either work, other projects or other slaves. All slaves are selfish in one way by craving time with the One who owns them, but all slaves need to learn to share if their Master is poly and that kitten does, a selfish slave who demands attention or throws her toys from the pram gets nothing, but by the same token a Master knows that all slaves have needs and wants, and does His best to see that all slaves are being cared for, even if it mean another  slave getting her nose put out of joint