Akittenone’s Weblog

Posts Tagged ‘thinking

Kitten had always considered herself a sexual person, but over the years, as life took over her journey her sex drive seemed to wan off, she was not bothered about sex, when she was told to do something she did it but very rarely did she get the ‘urge’ to ask for something, to ask to cum or play, she was getting to the stage she was content to watch him play with his others or indeed, not watch as the relationship broke down more and more but now she has a problem !

Master has a body to die for and He loves being naked, nothing wrong with that kitten knows but damn it makes for some uncomfortable thoughts in her head ! kitten is a slave and as such it is not her place to initiate sex or touch without permission, either herself or Master and when kitten sees Master naked it is so very hard to keep her mind on tasks or chores she is supposed to be doing.

Master knows that kitten loves the paddle/crop/switch and the marks on her body prove that He loves it as well, but omg kitten is insatiable where He is concerned and is almost catatonic at times when He pleases her. The ability to please Master with her mouth, pussy, ass is something kitten loves * for so many reasons some of which are really selfish !! and as time moves on kitten is finding that Master is awakening the parts of her she thought were dead and forgotten.

Kitten is once more becoming the person she was, but this time a new and improved version, one who is allowed to have likes and dislikes, thoughts and feeling, who is allowed to be sensual and sexual, now al kitten needs is for Master to realise that cuddles and pillows are really not that sexy and she will be in heaven !!!

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Posted on: May 11, 2009

Do you remember when you were a child and you were told to do something you didn’t want to ? Like cleaning your room or going to see relatives when all you wanted to do was go out with your friends ? The feeling of having no control over your life and what you were being told to do was great, and in some ways the M/s and to a lesser extent the D/s relationship is very similar. Kitten has just read a great article describing this better than she ever could,*here* but it did get her thinking, she knows there are times when Master is teasing her that she tells Him “ No way Batman” or “ Dream on He who must be Obeyed” but this is different, during the teasing kitten is not actually refusing Him anything as W/we B/both know if He wanted something then kitten would do it and do it with a feeling of want as He has asked for something * and no it need not be sexual, it can be anything from getting Him a drink to pleasing Him*

However we all get times when we really don’t want to do something, for what ever reason we try to change things so we have the controlling hand. An example of this was the other night, kitten was told to do something, and she didn’t want to as she had got herself into a funk and it seemed as though she was struggling with things on her own, so when she was told to perform the task she replied “ kitten would rather not” Well this led to a few questions which kitten again tried not to answer so she started to perform the task first asked, this did not go down well, Master pulled her up and refused to let her do what she now wanted to do, * ok so kitten doesn’t take much persuading to do certain things * And after close questioning and kitten being allowed to speak freely * this means that anything said will not be used against her and she is allowed to talk freely about what is on her mind*,  Master saw things from kittens point and He apologised * A true Master is one who is never afraid to admit to making errors in judgement, something people should be aware of*

Now the above might not make sense and it might seem that kitten was trying to control things, and if you read it again you will probably see that in some ways she was, she was trying to control herself, trying to say she didn’t want to do something but ultimately she was going to do it as it had been asked of her, and she knows that was wrong.

So what should she have done ? Well first off she should have spoken to Master BEFORE she got herself so worked up that she could not see the wood for the trees, she should have gone to Him and asked to speak, but this is another lesson she is learning, the one where she has to accept that Master CAN help her and that she need not do everything on her own, the lesson that she can depend on Him. And she is also learning that when Master tells her to do something then she does it, the majority of the time it is with a great big smile on her face and for the few times its not, then those are the times that she knows she is pleasing Master by doing as asked of her as a slave should do. Any task set by a Master is one a slave should under take to the best of her ability and not just when it suits her.

There are many things that kitten thinks of when she thinks of Master, He is strong, has a body to die for, He is successful in His chosen field, He is kittens rock when she is scared * been a few of those times* and He is someone you can rely on to tell you the truth no matter what is asked of Him, in all He is someone that a person, not just a slave, can depend on BUT and this might get kitten a few bloody pillows, the one thing He never fails to do is make kitten smile and laugh.

The other night, one of the cats * and he knows which one he is, have no doubt kitten had stern words with him * decided to bring a playmate home. Now for those who are not aware, kitten is now in Florida, and this is the land of geikos, snakes and countless other things that either crawl or slither across the floor it seems and the cat decided it was going to bring one in, not dead as he rarely kills them. Kitten went into the kitchen to get Master a drink, and the new playmate  ran out from under the fridge,  kitten did what any self respecting kitten would do, a screaming dance that would rivel those on the TV !

Well kittens scream brought Master running, think He thought kitten was being murdered, and there ensued a scene that kitten can only describe as worthy of a comedy show ! Picture the scene, kitten screaming and running outside, standing on a bench so it can’t get her * found out afterwards the bloody things can climb* and  a semi naked Master chasing this thing around the room with a broom, then in comes the cat, who showed total disinterest in the scene happening in the kitchen and proceeded to climb on the nightstand and fall asleep.

Why is kitten posting this you might ask, well for three reasons

1 – To show that no matter what the problem is, a Master will come if you scream

2- A Master is a complex person but a person none the less and will provide safety when He is able

And

3 – It was so bloody funny

Firstly kitten needs to apologise, she has been lax in posting on here if only for the fact she has been busy and for that she is sorry,

By now you will know that kitten is with Master, she is living with Him as His property, His slave and that is something that has been two fold for her, in one way it is like coming home, and in another way it is like leaning to live again, both coming together to make kittens life more complete.

There have been a few times over the past three weeks that kitten has had doubts, not with Master but with life situations and they have been worked on and all the fears have been discussed and a solution has been worked out, kitten is not daft enough to believe that the teething problems have been all she will face but as long as kitten has Master to talk things through with then she is sure there are no problems she cannot deal with.

When kitten got off the plane she was shaking, for so long she had heard that Master and her sister were playing her, were taking her for a fool, yet not once did kitten get that impression from Him in all her interactions, but as with all things, if you listen to something enough you will start to have doubts, well there are no doubts now, Master is all that He said He was and in some ways more.

Kitten has learnt that Master has a wicked sense of humour * usually to kittens cost * and the sound of Him laughing fills the house on a regular basis, that said, He also has a serious side that you can talk with, ask advice * something kitten is still learning to do and to be honest not doing to well at, is harder to hide what kitten is thinking or feeling though now that He is along side kitten daily*and the serious side is one which is can be depended on to give you honest unbiased opinions and advice.

Play times * not really anyone’s business but kitten knows there are still a few doubters* are wonderful, going to the beach and trying to cover a bruised ass and tits makes for an interesting outfit combination !! Why cover them up ? Because society does not readily understand this life and kitten does not want people to look at Master and judge Him, that said, the getting of the bruises is wonderful and something kitten feels is part of her, something she loves and at times needs to be able to free her mind from all the thinking she does. There is another way that kitten settles her mind, its unfortunately not for anyone else’s knowledge apart from the fact Master says kitten better not be unsettled at the mall or W/we could B/both end up in jail !! Again this is something Master knows when kitten needs and at the moment He is allowing it, while at the same time working on other methods for her to feel the safety net around her.

There is so much that kitten could and should write but where do you stop ? What do you say and not say ? All kitten can say with 100% certainty is that she is Masters kitten 24/7 and that is like coming home, to a life and a Master who completes kittens life, and  that kitten can never express enough

It seems that someone has decided to post things or rather comments on kitten, how she is full of hate and how she is not a slave because she is not subservient, humble, shows the proper respect for Master and does not ask Him when she wishes to wipe her ass after going to the toilet.

kitten knows that some people are opinionated, and that is fine, lol we all know that kitten can be as well but she has always answered any questions, with the words These are kittens thoughts and ideas, and indeed on her blog she writes her thoughts, her feeling, her doubts and fears and it is not for anyone else to add a comment and tell her she is wrong, especially without knowing kitten, without having spoken to her at all or indeed without having any idea what she is like either with Master or on her own.

While kitten likes to recieve comments that are constructive and add to the whole post, and give others  something to think about, attacking kitten is not the way to get your point across, so if you are a friend of kittens or a friend of someone else please have the courage of your words and leave a link where we can all see your words of ‘wisdom’ for ourselves, instead of attacking under the pretence of knowing what a Master is all about,  and yes if kitten has not shown you the ‘respect you think you deserve its because you are not kittens Master and it is only His opinion of kitten that matters

As with all things, there is not a one size fits all and what suits you may not suit another, you mention so many things in your comments, all of which you have no right unless you know kitten to judge, but as with so many people, passing judgement is what they do best, so please, get to know kitten before you condem her and say she is not a slave, she has a feeling you would be very surprised just how slave  ish she actually is, but thas the thing with Master, He likes then to have a brain as well

Sitting here thinking, thinking of what kitten is about to do, where she is about to go and what her life is going to bring her, she knows that life is about to change for her, and in some ways she is wary, having been in a M/s relationship for years the move to another Master is a huge one, and one that readers of this know has been filled with troubles and problems from others in the family and outsiders trying to tell kitten what to do and what not to do.

Kitten has known Master for a year, and in that time she has made Him mad at her, made Him sign off the computer as He was angry, and at the other end she has made Him laugh and made Him smile. Kitten has questioned Him and argued with Him, she has cried and she has screamed, and still she is His, that alone tells kitten He is not playing games with her, regardless of what has happened kitten knows He is trustworthy and someone she can depend on.

Kitten knows that she will face some difficult times, not least in meeting her ‘sister’ and yes kitten knows that she will read this even though she has been banned * kitten is no ones fool regardless of what they wish to believe* but kitten also knows she is strong and will face that when it happens, and having extracted a promise from Master then she knows it will not happen in the near future.

Moving to another country, to serve a Master you have not served before * online does not count and kitten has a list of reasons why in her mind it doesn’t * to be a 24/7 slave to a Master whose likes and dislikes you will have to discover as you go, to know what makes Him smile and what makes Him frown, all this and so much more wait for kitten, but along with this will come happiness, contentment, the feeling of coming home, of knowing where she needs to be, of having Master there when she is scared and worried, of having Him beside her when she faces things she would rather run from.

In a few days kitten will be on a plane to a new chapter in her life, one filled with excitement and trepidation, but one she will face head on, the same as she will face all oppositions to her being Masters kitten

Kitten has written this post 5 times so far, she has written 6 pages on her note book and still she is no more settled than she was, so many things going around in her head, all she wants to do is cry, and damn it kitten is NOT a crier, even writing this she can feel the tears running down her face.

Yesterday really threw her, something happened and it was stupid and pathetic but it really hit kitten hard, another went somewhere they were not supposed to, to keep an check on kitten she guesses and it ended up kitten was told she was over reacting, then was told it was her fault that the one she is blaming goes nowhere, else * which is not true as she does go on a certain place, but not kittens concern if she wishes to lie, was also told that blogs were removed as they upset kitten, again not true as they were removed as she was cuaght lying once more and couldn’t deny it, again not kittens fault as she did not know about the stupid blogs, all kitten knew was someone was not telling the truth and had got caught in a lie again* It is not kittens fault, kitten has never been on that site herself or read the blog in question so how can it be her fault ? So many things were said and something another done ended up being something kitten was told to apologise for, and that is not going to happen, that is the first time kitten has actively disobeyed Master and it has thrown her into a spin, she is not a slave, she is not submissive, she refused to do as she was told, damn it kitten hates feeling like this.

The worst of it is that Master asked if she was there already would she have refused and the answer was the same, she would have, kitten is so sick of saying sorry to another person who has yet to admit that anything is actually their fault and that they in fact owe kitten the apology,  hell in a year have never had one sorry for all the crap either her or her ‘friend’  have  put kitten through, for some reason unknown to kitten she is never the one who is made to apologise.  sounds like sour grapes really, told you it was stupid but refusing Master has really thrown kitten, she is so uncertain at the moment she feels sick with it.

Kitten so far has written for hours in her notebook, she has cleaned all she can clean and then some more, all to try to work out what the hell she is supposed to do, how she can get rid of feeling like this, but its not worked, kitten is shutting down, she can sense it, she can feel it and she hates it but it is how she survives,

Ever have days you wish would just swallow you up and take you away from everything ? kitten is feeling like that.

In 10 days kitten is supposed to be on a plane to Master, what is the point if she is not a slave for Him, if He tells her to do something and she refuses, what good will she be for Him then ?