Akittenone’s Weblog

Posts Tagged ‘fears

This post is to all those that are asking after kitten, she is still here and she is still kitten. !!

As many of you know kitten is living with Master 24/7 so as you can imagine things are a bit busy for her, and indeed for Him as well, the adjustments kitten is making to a different way of life in a place that is different with rules that are different and a climate that is different are taking their toll and kitten is finding she is either very tired all the time or she can’t sleep worth a damn !!

We have just said goodbye to another one that Master is looking at to be either a sub or a slave, at the moment kitten is not sure which but the month she was here was ‘eventful’ to say the least, things happened and kitten paid a price but what the total cost is yet kitten does no know, all she knows is it made her ask questions of both herself and Master, and the answers to those questions are very telling indeed.

kitten has been in poly relationships before so that was not new to her, those who know a bit about kitten know she already has a sister whom she is getting on great with, so while having another here was not really an issue the ‘living’ part of the relationship was for kitten, and she knows that she was questioning Master a lot and asking some hard questions.

But as with all things in kittens life, she rides out the storms, a bit wiser and a bit tougher, and who knows maybe in the end a bit more careful of letting her feelings show, which can only be a good thing right ?

So to all that ask, kitten is still here, remember, she is kitten, all singing and all dancing but still kitten none the less and her smile is firmly planted on her face, lol have found that smiling really confuses all those around you who are wondering what you are grinning at !!

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Firstly kitten needs to apologise, she has been lax in posting on here if only for the fact she has been busy and for that she is sorry,

By now you will know that kitten is with Master, she is living with Him as His property, His slave and that is something that has been two fold for her, in one way it is like coming home, and in another way it is like leaning to live again, both coming together to make kittens life more complete.

There have been a few times over the past three weeks that kitten has had doubts, not with Master but with life situations and they have been worked on and all the fears have been discussed and a solution has been worked out, kitten is not daft enough to believe that the teething problems have been all she will face but as long as kitten has Master to talk things through with then she is sure there are no problems she cannot deal with.

When kitten got off the plane she was shaking, for so long she had heard that Master and her sister were playing her, were taking her for a fool, yet not once did kitten get that impression from Him in all her interactions, but as with all things, if you listen to something enough you will start to have doubts, well there are no doubts now, Master is all that He said He was and in some ways more.

Kitten has learnt that Master has a wicked sense of humour * usually to kittens cost * and the sound of Him laughing fills the house on a regular basis, that said, He also has a serious side that you can talk with, ask advice * something kitten is still learning to do and to be honest not doing to well at, is harder to hide what kitten is thinking or feeling though now that He is along side kitten daily*and the serious side is one which is can be depended on to give you honest unbiased opinions and advice.

Play times * not really anyone’s business but kitten knows there are still a few doubters* are wonderful, going to the beach and trying to cover a bruised ass and tits makes for an interesting outfit combination !! Why cover them up ? Because society does not readily understand this life and kitten does not want people to look at Master and judge Him, that said, the getting of the bruises is wonderful and something kitten feels is part of her, something she loves and at times needs to be able to free her mind from all the thinking she does. There is another way that kitten settles her mind, its unfortunately not for anyone else’s knowledge apart from the fact Master says kitten better not be unsettled at the mall or W/we could B/both end up in jail !! Again this is something Master knows when kitten needs and at the moment He is allowing it, while at the same time working on other methods for her to feel the safety net around her.

There is so much that kitten could and should write but where do you stop ? What do you say and not say ? All kitten can say with 100% certainty is that she is Masters kitten 24/7 and that is like coming home, to a life and a Master who completes kittens life, and  that kitten can never express enough

Sitting here thinking, thinking of what kitten is about to do, where she is about to go and what her life is going to bring her, she knows that life is about to change for her, and in some ways she is wary, having been in a M/s relationship for years the move to another Master is a huge one, and one that readers of this know has been filled with troubles and problems from others in the family and outsiders trying to tell kitten what to do and what not to do.

Kitten has known Master for a year, and in that time she has made Him mad at her, made Him sign off the computer as He was angry, and at the other end she has made Him laugh and made Him smile. Kitten has questioned Him and argued with Him, she has cried and she has screamed, and still she is His, that alone tells kitten He is not playing games with her, regardless of what has happened kitten knows He is trustworthy and someone she can depend on.

Kitten knows that she will face some difficult times, not least in meeting her ‘sister’ and yes kitten knows that she will read this even though she has been banned * kitten is no ones fool regardless of what they wish to believe* but kitten also knows she is strong and will face that when it happens, and having extracted a promise from Master then she knows it will not happen in the near future.

Moving to another country, to serve a Master you have not served before * online does not count and kitten has a list of reasons why in her mind it doesn’t * to be a 24/7 slave to a Master whose likes and dislikes you will have to discover as you go, to know what makes Him smile and what makes Him frown, all this and so much more wait for kitten, but along with this will come happiness, contentment, the feeling of coming home, of knowing where she needs to be, of having Master there when she is scared and worried, of having Him beside her when she faces things she would rather run from.

In a few days kitten will be on a plane to a new chapter in her life, one filled with excitement and trepidation, but one she will face head on, the same as she will face all oppositions to her being Masters kitten

Time is moving, kitten is getting closer and closer to the time she can be with Master, under two weeks now, wow things certainly appear to be flying by, lol in 8 months it will be Christmas again !!

This is the time that kitten has been dreading, not the moving but the thoughts and actions of others. Kitten does not really understand some people and their mentality, all she seems to be getting all day long, on the phone, on instant messenger and from people in r/t is that she is making a mistake and that she will not be wanted, well all kitten can say to them is IF she is making a mistake then it is hers to make, but she honestly doesn’t believe it is a mistake, not for her at least.

Kitten is usually quiet, she is not one to push herself to the fore front and demand more time from Master, moan about wanting to be played with or wanting to have some quality time with Him, kitten knows that Master will be with her when HE wants to be and all that moaning and whining will do is make Him not want to spend time with her at all, something kitten thinks people don’t realise, and when they see kitten content to not speak then they think its because she doesn’t value the time with Him, they think that in order to be a sub or slave they need interaction and conversation at all times, well for them that might be true but kitten is mainly content within herself, oohh don’t get her wrong, there are times she needs Him but unless she tells Him those times He will never know.

Kitten needs Him at the moment, she has had company everyday of the week so far, and to be honest her head is splitting and she is not sure anymore if she is sitting down or standing up, they have her so confused and twisted she is not even sure of her name at times , unless you count the names they call her, then guess she is many things. Kitten has needs as well, she works all day and long hours at that so when she is home she loves to chat, the time difference is a killer and with company as well it makes things worse, but kitten knows Master has others and even if they are on the same time zone as Him it is His choice who He interacts with and when, kitten could speak up and say she would like to talk please but that is not her way, so it is kittens fault really.

Kitten just hopes the next two weeks go fast, she knows that actually being with Master is not going to be a bed of roses, there will be ‘teething’ problems and no doubt some grief from others who will not like kitten being there, but at least Master will be there for those problems, its these ones that kitten is dealing with alone that are making her head spin and hurt, but as kittens mother used to say, “ If they are picking on you they are leaving someone else alone so accept it and deal with it “

Kitten sits here and wonders what to write about, at the moment all she can think of is the dull ache between her legs, an ache that has been getting worse as the time is getting closer to being with Master. Kitten is no ones fool, she knows that her life with Master will not be sex sex sex as that is not the M/s way regardless of what you have read or been told, if it was then all slaves would walk like John Wayne just getting off his horse and all Masters would need oxygen as lets face it, no one can have sex 24 hours a day 7 days a week !!


Back to the ache, well kitten has been talking with Master, pillows and hugs and kisses etc etc and as hard as kitten tries He will not change His mind * boy is He one stubborn Master at times * but last night He made a slip, lol He said He cannot wait to paddle kittens ass, well let kitten tell you, she melted ! she even said she would love a pillow, if only to sit on with her sore ass, and she knows that He is teasing with the pillows, now to work on the hugs and kisses.


When kitten thinks about being with Him she will admit to wanting Him, something she is a bit scared of as she knows a slave should desire her Master, what is the point of submitting if the one you submit to repulses you, and kitten does desire Him very much, and that is what scares her at times, is it wise to ache for your Master, does that not put more pressure on Him ? And at the end of the day it is not about kittens satisfaction, it is about Masters, so if kitten feels like this about Him now then will she be able to forget her needs to make sure His are met ?


Kitten hopes she will be able to serve Master well, she has no doubts at all there will be some moments of tension as at the moment kitten has only been online with Him, and having served a Master r/t she knows there is a vast difference, and at times she will admit to being stroppy and sullen, as well as mouthy, things she would never dared to be previously, so kitten wonders if she can really get back to being the slave she needs to be, Do you forget how to serve ? Does your focus become centred on you and not Master ? Having never been a me me me type person kitten finds having these thoughts, feelings and this ache is something she is not used to, and to be honest, she is not sure she likes it,  she wants to serve Master, she needs to be real time and she needs to be able to be kitten once more, Damn it, just said kitten was not a me me me type and the last line was about what she wanted, not what Master wanted.


God help kitten she has a feeling she is going to struggle if she is not with Him soon

kitten was reading some stuff the other day across this, its something she read many times as the words are so true, When kitten read it, she could hear Master saying to her ” Believe in Me and I will protect you, Believe in Me and I will keep you safe” words she knows are not hollow words but facts, kitten puts her faith and trust in Him and she knows He will be her rock when she needs Him, her strength when she is falling and her wisdom when she is unsure, He will be her light when she cannot see the way, hope you enjoy and can see the parts that are kitten and the parts that are Master

I sit alone and watch the clock

Trying to collect my thoughts

All I think about is you

And so I cry myself to sleep

And hope the devil I don’t meet

In the dreams that I live through

Believe in me

I know you’ve waited for so long

Believe in me

Sometimes the weak become the strong

Believe in me

This life is not always what it seems

Believe in me

Cause I was made for chasing dreams

All the smiles you had to fake

And all the shit you had to take

Just to lead us here again

I never have the things to say

To make it all just go away

To make it all just disappear

Believe in me

I know you’ve waited for so long

Believe in me

Sometimes the weak become the strong

Believe in me

This life is not always what it seems

Believe in me

Cause I was made for chasing dreams

Its my life

Its my choice

Hear my words

Hear my voice

And just believe

I sit alone and watch the clock

Trying to collect my thoughts

And all I think about is you

If you believe in me

Life is not always what it seems

Believe in me

Cause I was made for chasing dreams

Believe in me

I know you’ve waited for so long

Believe in me

Sometimes the weak become the strong

Believe in me

This life is not always what it seems

Believe in me

Cause I was made for chasing dreams

Kitten loves the paddle, whether she is good or bad, she enjoys to be spanked * ok as a punishment it leaves something to be desired but kitten not complaining * however kitten has now finally come to realise the hr Master is a tease, without a doubt and with no other word for Him, He loves to tease kitten !

Kitten was told last night that Master was counting how many paddles He is going to give kitten, great she thought, her face lighting up, however He then added …….. “ in 4.5 years “ kitten was WTH !!!!! 4.5 years, that is 1626 days,39025 hours,2341440 minutes !!!!

Now heres the thing, if kitten doesn’t get spanked, then will her ass be too soft for the paddles, omg can you imagine, kitten and no paddle, thats like coffee with no water, or yin with no yan, its not normal at all.

So now kitten is on her best behaviour * well as best as kitten can get * she wants to prove to Master she can be an angel and she does deserve to be treated, you can keep the cuddles and the kisses, they are something kitten does not like at all, give her a paddle and watch her smile * and moan and groan and wriggle, lol watch kitten purrrrr *

So if kitten is bad then she will accept she deserves a cuddle and a kiss * nope* but if she is good * as she is always * then she deserves a paddle

Guess this goes to show, one slaves pleasure is another slaves pain, and it seems Master wants to teach kitten the finer arts of kissing and cuddling, kitten was at one stage trying to suggest trades, but for some reason * ok for a lot of reasons * kitten soon discovered that rrading with Master is not a good idea, lol not at all !! Master is as quick as a flash when it comes to that type of thing and kitten ended up getting in such a pickle she was not sure if she was sitting down or standing up,

So now we wait and see, the only thing kitten can do is hope that Master forgets, and if she keeps changing the subject then it might just work, pillows, kissing and cuddling ? hhhhmmmm not really kittens thing, she has little experience with them and knows she is no good at them so she tends to keep away from things she cannot do, so fingers crossed Master forgets