Akittenone’s Weblog

Archive for July 2008

Well the week is nearly over and kitten is so very gad, kitten is lonely, her son has been away this week and kitten misses Him desperately and its hard to turn around and know he is not there when you have cared for him all his life, the ache kitten feels hurts so bad, and she finds herself crying for no reason except she wants him back

To love another person as deeply and completely as that is scary and in some ways kitten can understand when subs and slaves go to pieces when they are left by their Doms/Masters, as to fully submit, to love another person with all you are is a wondrous thing but also a painful thing and if it does not work out the feeling of loss and pain is overwhelming, unfortunately kitten knows that feeling too well.

It takes a strong person to take a step forward back into the life when things have hurt you that bad, kitten is not strong, but she was helped and for that she will forever be grateful, to walk away from this life would have destroyed kitten as a person as that is who she is, she is a slave and she needs to be a slave, it is as much a part of her as breathing is and that will not change.

Kittens Master has been there for her, supported her and led her to where she needs to be, this week has been doubly tough as kittens Master has been extremely busy and kitten felt His loss as well as  her sons, kitten knows she has no right to His time but this week she realised just how lonely being alone can feel, and to be honest that is a feeling that she hates and never wants to feel again, she knows she will at some stage in her life might not be for a long time, might be next week but kitten is kitten and she will do as she always does, she will smile and say every thing is fine


What would you do to please your Master? How far would you go? Would you draw the line and say “No that I will not do”

A Master will not force you to do anything illegal and He will not force you to do anything that would cause you harm but He will lead you, He will push at your fears and barriers, He will lead you and enable you to grow, to face past hurts and problems and with His help He will enable you to over come them, to grow and learn. He will protect you while you are dealing with things that hurt you but at the same time He will give you the strength to face them and find the power within you to deal with them.

A Master when dealing with slaves will look at each one differently, He will treat them as individuals and in that way He will instinctively know what is the right course of action for that particular slave.

A Master will respect a slaves feelings of doubt, fear, self esteem and even though a Master at times may ignore those feelings it is because He knows best where you are concerned, if He was to allow you to always back away and never progress then He would be doing Himself and you a great disservice, His main aim is to build your value to Him and by ignoring your irrational fears He is showing you that what you are most scared of is in your head and not something that will hurt or cause you harm, that if you put a particular thing or act into practice, then you will not be in any danger or in at risk,

A lot of slaves fear the unknown, yet when it is known them it becomes something they enjoy, but if the Master finds that even after the guidance and understanding a slave still does not enjoy certain things then He will not engage in those acts with the particular one but will adapt His dealings with her to respect those feelings, that is not to say He will never do certain things with her but He will ‘hold back’ to a certain extent

If you are not into bi sexual activities for example if you do not wish to be shared by your Master, then He will know this, understand this but that is not to say He will not tell you to lick a sisters pussy, or suck another’s cock, it is His wish so that is your desire, to please Him you should do what ever He asks,, but would you and could you?

In a T.P.E. relationship a Master has complete control, you are His property and His desire becomes yours, and this is where kitten thinks some are confused, a straight sister has no say in how she interacts with another of her Masters choosing, He decides how what when and how she is to be used and by whom and the same goes for being shared, be it in an orgy scene or a threesome or even being watched while she is being fcked, this is not something she can or should seek to control, all she needs to understand is a Master will always protect her and keep her safe, He will allow no harm to come to her and who knows, the slave might actually learn something and find that the biggest obstacle has been over come, the fear of fear itself has been wiped from her and she enjoys what ever Master wishes from her

Kitten is always talking about the good stuff, the pleasure she gets from serving Master, the feelings she has about this life and what it means to her as a slave, but what about the other side, as with all things when there is a wonderful side there has to be a down side, this is something kitten thinks many tend to ignore, and it can and often does lead to false hopes and impressions.

An owned slave and  sub have not control over their Master/Dom, none what so ever, they control YOU you do not control THEM and that is more apparent when they do something you do not like and wish they wouldn’t. Kitten is not talking sexually, well maybe in a way she is but not sex with you but with another.

How would you react when your Master tells you He is not going to be home for a week as He is seeing another sister/sex partner/friend/ fuck buddy? Do you question Him? Ask why? Wonder why you are not enough for His needs and desires? Do you have a temper tantrum and sulk? All of the above are a sure fire way to either a punishment or if carried on release, you have nothing to say about it, it is not your choice, you are His to do with as He desires but He can and often does wish for more than you and you should be happy for Him, grateful that He is being looked after, and content in the knowledge that you are His and that is enough.

A Master or a Dom more often than not has more than one who serve Him, in today’s society living in a poly house is the exception and not the rule and sometimes it is easier when all the sisters are under the same roof, the feelings that bond a sister together are intensified and if a Master goes to one instead of another then that is not thought of as anything else but natural, but if the Master has many slaves in different houses then His choice on who and what He does becomes an issue with some and that is where you need to look at what you are doing and is this the right step for you, just because He is not with you does not mean He does not own you, He still has control and His rules still stand.

In a vanilla life if your partner was to leave you for a week to be with another He would be accused of having an affair and you would be the wronged party, in this life that is not the case, if you question, sulk, hell in some cases follow and try too interfere then YOU are in the wrong, it is not for you to decide what Master does and who He does it with, that will never be your decision.

So ask yourself these questions

If Master was to leave you for a week to be with another, could you accept it with the grace and happiness Master deserves?

Would you question Him and ask why you were not enough for Him, ask why He needs more that you to satisfy Him , ask what is wrong with you as a slave and where you are failing Him in serving ALL His needs ?

Would you welcome Him back with arms open and the knowledge that He still cares, and then try to do all you can to stop Him needing to stray again?

Would you still be there when He returned or would you be a woman scorned and leave?

Would you be the one who believes she can change Him so He needs no others ?

Would you keep reminding Him that He left you for another and how much that hurt and plead with Him not to do it again?

Finally ask, could you cope with Him doing it over and over again?

Kitten knows many see this life as an answer to problems that plague them, its not, it is just another way to live but if new to this then seeing it through rose coloured glasses is not the right way, there are many sides to this life style, not just great sex,

kitten loves to be tied, she loves to be paddled, her ass burning red and her body writhing in ecstasy as she takes her pleasure from Masters hand but that does not mean she does not enjoy being cuddled, held in His arms and soothed when she is hurting emotionally, just because a slave loves the pain side doesn’t mean that ALL pain is good, the emotional pain is the one that hurts the most.

in the past kitten has got things wrong, wrong in the fact when she was hurting inside she used to try to justify that pain by needing to be hurt on the outside, needing to be hurt physically as well as mentally, but was always left feeling hollow and empty, the pain did not relieve the hurt inside, and at times kitten pushed  and pushed to try to make it hurt more, needing that to try to feel better about herself

Kittens Master does not believe in punishments, well physical punishments and that confused kitten for so long, having been used to that for so long when it is not there, kitten could not understand, did it mean kitten was not worth punishing, was she so much of a screw up that she was not worth bothering with ? Why did He not punish her and make her see the errors of what had happened? When kitten was hurting because she knew she had done wrong why did He not hurt her more ? why did He not punish her with the belt or the paddle ?

Master is a smart cookie, He knew that the belt was a temporary punishment, the pain would be short lived and would actually not do any good to kitten, yes He did punish her, by not punishing her, !  There is nothing like a slave who knows she has screwed up and the misery she feels by being a disappointment is overwhelming, that is the worst punishment ever but having learnt a lesson that way it is one that is rarely repeated, and when the lesson is learnt then an arm around you, a snuggle on the floor by His feet, a kind word, a hand stroking your hair, these are all indications that kitten is fine and she is not in trouble,

In the past a belt, a paddle, a whip, these were used but they didn’t work and the pain kitten felt on the outside did not stop the pain on the inside but now  pain is once more just for pleasure and not for relief of emotions causing her trouble  inside, but Masters way, although so very different, means kitten is not seeking to justify the hurt all the time, pain is once more just for pleasure and not for relief of emotions causing her trouble

Kitten is owned by a poly Master, He owns others and that is great by kitten. Kitten is a pain slut and her sister isn’t, so what does that mean for Master? Well it means all His desires are catered for, as if He wants the softer side of BDSM then He has a slave for that and if He wants the more hard core side then He has that as well, but kitten knows that He will not just use her for the Hard stuff, and He will not just use kittens sister for the soft stuff, a Master likes to have variety and by using kitten soft then He will be teaching her and allowing her to grow, allowing her to experience the other side of BDSM.

A Master has many sides to Him, and those sides form the complete picture, A Master should not be one dimensional, He is Strong, caring loving ( even if He doesn’t always show that side it is always there in the things He does for His slaves ) He is fair and just, He does not judge but listens and advises, He should be someone to turn to when things are not right and that is just some of what a Master is or should be, but a Master is also a sexual person, He loves to have variety, He likes the aspects that this life allows Him and that is apparent when He is a poly Master.

Kitten sees too many stuck in a rut in the vanilla life, lights off wham bam thank you ma am sex is all they wish but a BDSM Dom/Master ,, well no that not for them.

In BDSM there are many things that some sisters adore and some sister abhor, but that is what makes this life unique, the fact that all involved are pleasured and pleased, that all are given the chance to be themselves, to let their inhibitions go and finally be true to what they desire.

If a sister does not like pain that does not mean she is adverse to inflicting it on another, and while kitten has a feeling that her sister would not enjoy that kitten also knows there are other slaves that while they cannot take it love to give it, and if that is a Masters wish to see His slaves playing together in that way then He is happy, the slaves are happy and the pleasure received by all is tremendous.

A Master who wishes to see a slave used by another slave is not rare in this life, it is something most men desire, seeing two women together is a great turn on for them and in that way a Master is just living most men’s dreams, there is no feeling like a Master taking one slave while her face is buried in a dripping pussy!

BDSM is a life most fantasize about, its about freedom to be who and what you really ar, We are people, we have the same desires and needs as most, but the difference is, we accept them, embrace them and live them

smiling,, more kitten thoughs,

The sweet snap of pain
Running though my body
Eyes closing in regret
Of a punishment deserved
The feel of the leather
Against my flushed flesh
The agonised burn
As a lesson is taught
The feel of a hand
Stroking the pain
Soothing the ache
Of both skin and heart
A lesson is taught
A punishment endured
The tender caresses
A reminder of His love
The punishment not given lightly
The paddle is hard, relentless and cruel
But the feeling of love surrounds me
As i am soothed and rewarded
These things are designed to show me
To serve as a reminder for all time
To let me know that i am loved
I am cherished
I am His

When many think about this style of life they see the bad and not the good, too many imagine a sub/slave being held against their will,, bound and helpless and with no where to go if things go wrong, and that is a false image, talk shows portray Doms/Masters as abusers, they see a strong Man and automatically thing Yeap He is an abuser because He tells His sub/slave what to do and is the relationship is one of TPE then that extends to where they go, who they see, what they wear, in fact in every part of the slaves life the Master has control and if the slave has family, friends or work mates who are not familiar with their life the cry of He is an abuser  Leave Him , Walk away , is heard ringing out.

Kitten knows there are abusers in this life style, unfortunately she has experienced it first hand but they are not the normal, they are the exception and those true to BDSM and D/s and M/s do not tolerate them within their circles so many are out cast and left to make their own way, many but not all, as some to the outside world are normal and kind, caring and compassionate towards their property, its only when the doors are shut that things change.

Sometimes a sub/slave doesn’t know its abuse, stupid kitten knows but its true, if the treatment you are receiving has happened over a long period, slowly changing, subtle things becoming an everyday event then you know no other way, the mind tends to forget other things and just accepts what is now and not what was then. 

Abuse takes on many forms, physical, well that’s something a pain slut doesn’t realise for a long time as pain to her is a normal thing and one that she craves but even then the punishments can take on harsher results and all of a sudden what you once craved you start to fear, and that is something that can break and destroy a person, taking what is an essential part of them and making them fear it.  The abuse can be mental, tell someone often enough they are fat stupid, thick, ugly, worthless etc and they will believe it, and their belief in themselves will plummet, and in this way the Dom/Master gains greater control as who else would want a sub/slave who was all those things ? No one that’s who, regardless if she is actually what is being said the belief is installed in her that she is worthless and stupid ignorant etc.

So what do you do if you see another sister in that situation? (And kitten uses sister as we are all sisters in one form or another when we are in this life)Well if you are owned the go to your Dom/Master, explain to Him what your fears are, what you know is happening, don’t exaggerate, don’t fabricate just hard facts as otherwise it will not be believed, talk to the sister speak to her, watch what is happening but failing that  then all you can do is be there for her when things get too bad support her and love her, and let her know she has a friend in you, one who will love her regardless of her choices.

The abusers in this life do exist but no more than in a vanilla life, the difference is its a smaller community so they are more obvious and that is what people see when they look from the out side into this life, they never see the pleasure, the joy the happiness that we are feeling and that is their loss

  Lol the ramblings of a kitten mind is scary really