Akittenone’s Weblog

Posts Tagged ‘tasks

Posted on: May 11, 2009

Do you remember when you were a child and you were told to do something you didn’t want to ? Like cleaning your room or going to see relatives when all you wanted to do was go out with your friends ? The feeling of having no control over your life and what you were being told to do was great, and in some ways the M/s and to a lesser extent the D/s relationship is very similar. Kitten has just read a great article describing this better than she ever could,*here* but it did get her thinking, she knows there are times when Master is teasing her that she tells Him “ No way Batman” or “ Dream on He who must be Obeyed” but this is different, during the teasing kitten is not actually refusing Him anything as W/we B/both know if He wanted something then kitten would do it and do it with a feeling of want as He has asked for something * and no it need not be sexual, it can be anything from getting Him a drink to pleasing Him*

However we all get times when we really don’t want to do something, for what ever reason we try to change things so we have the controlling hand. An example of this was the other night, kitten was told to do something, and she didn’t want to as she had got herself into a funk and it seemed as though she was struggling with things on her own, so when she was told to perform the task she replied “ kitten would rather not” Well this led to a few questions which kitten again tried not to answer so she started to perform the task first asked, this did not go down well, Master pulled her up and refused to let her do what she now wanted to do, * ok so kitten doesn’t take much persuading to do certain things * And after close questioning and kitten being allowed to speak freely * this means that anything said will not be used against her and she is allowed to talk freely about what is on her mind*,  Master saw things from kittens point and He apologised * A true Master is one who is never afraid to admit to making errors in judgement, something people should be aware of*

Now the above might not make sense and it might seem that kitten was trying to control things, and if you read it again you will probably see that in some ways she was, she was trying to control herself, trying to say she didn’t want to do something but ultimately she was going to do it as it had been asked of her, and she knows that was wrong.

So what should she have done ? Well first off she should have spoken to Master BEFORE she got herself so worked up that she could not see the wood for the trees, she should have gone to Him and asked to speak, but this is another lesson she is learning, the one where she has to accept that Master CAN help her and that she need not do everything on her own, the lesson that she can depend on Him. And she is also learning that when Master tells her to do something then she does it, the majority of the time it is with a great big smile on her face and for the few times its not, then those are the times that she knows she is pleasing Master by doing as asked of her as a slave should do. Any task set by a Master is one a slave should under take to the best of her ability and not just when it suits her.

Firstly kitten needs to apologise, she has been lax in posting on here if only for the fact she has been busy and for that she is sorry,

By now you will know that kitten is with Master, she is living with Him as His property, His slave and that is something that has been two fold for her, in one way it is like coming home, and in another way it is like leaning to live again, both coming together to make kittens life more complete.

There have been a few times over the past three weeks that kitten has had doubts, not with Master but with life situations and they have been worked on and all the fears have been discussed and a solution has been worked out, kitten is not daft enough to believe that the teething problems have been all she will face but as long as kitten has Master to talk things through with then she is sure there are no problems she cannot deal with.

When kitten got off the plane she was shaking, for so long she had heard that Master and her sister were playing her, were taking her for a fool, yet not once did kitten get that impression from Him in all her interactions, but as with all things, if you listen to something enough you will start to have doubts, well there are no doubts now, Master is all that He said He was and in some ways more.

Kitten has learnt that Master has a wicked sense of humour * usually to kittens cost * and the sound of Him laughing fills the house on a regular basis, that said, He also has a serious side that you can talk with, ask advice * something kitten is still learning to do and to be honest not doing to well at, is harder to hide what kitten is thinking or feeling though now that He is along side kitten daily*and the serious side is one which is can be depended on to give you honest unbiased opinions and advice.

Play times * not really anyone’s business but kitten knows there are still a few doubters* are wonderful, going to the beach and trying to cover a bruised ass and tits makes for an interesting outfit combination !! Why cover them up ? Because society does not readily understand this life and kitten does not want people to look at Master and judge Him, that said, the getting of the bruises is wonderful and something kitten feels is part of her, something she loves and at times needs to be able to free her mind from all the thinking she does. There is another way that kitten settles her mind, its unfortunately not for anyone else’s knowledge apart from the fact Master says kitten better not be unsettled at the mall or W/we could B/both end up in jail !! Again this is something Master knows when kitten needs and at the moment He is allowing it, while at the same time working on other methods for her to feel the safety net around her.

There is so much that kitten could and should write but where do you stop ? What do you say and not say ? All kitten can say with 100% certainty is that she is Masters kitten 24/7 and that is like coming home, to a life and a Master who completes kittens life, and  that kitten can never express enough

Kitten has written this post 5 times so far, she has written 6 pages on her note book and still she is no more settled than she was, so many things going around in her head, all she wants to do is cry, and damn it kitten is NOT a crier, even writing this she can feel the tears running down her face.

Yesterday really threw her, something happened and it was stupid and pathetic but it really hit kitten hard, another went somewhere they were not supposed to, to keep an check on kitten she guesses and it ended up kitten was told she was over reacting, then was told it was her fault that the one she is blaming goes nowhere, else * which is not true as she does go on a certain place, but not kittens concern if she wishes to lie, was also told that blogs were removed as they upset kitten, again not true as they were removed as she was cuaght lying once more and couldn’t deny it, again not kittens fault as she did not know about the stupid blogs, all kitten knew was someone was not telling the truth and had got caught in a lie again* It is not kittens fault, kitten has never been on that site herself or read the blog in question so how can it be her fault ? So many things were said and something another done ended up being something kitten was told to apologise for, and that is not going to happen, that is the first time kitten has actively disobeyed Master and it has thrown her into a spin, she is not a slave, she is not submissive, she refused to do as she was told, damn it kitten hates feeling like this.

The worst of it is that Master asked if she was there already would she have refused and the answer was the same, she would have, kitten is so sick of saying sorry to another person who has yet to admit that anything is actually their fault and that they in fact owe kitten the apology,  hell in a year have never had one sorry for all the crap either her or her ‘friend’  have  put kitten through, for some reason unknown to kitten she is never the one who is made to apologise.  sounds like sour grapes really, told you it was stupid but refusing Master has really thrown kitten, she is so uncertain at the moment she feels sick with it.

Kitten so far has written for hours in her notebook, she has cleaned all she can clean and then some more, all to try to work out what the hell she is supposed to do, how she can get rid of feeling like this, but its not worked, kitten is shutting down, she can sense it, she can feel it and she hates it but it is how she survives,

Ever have days you wish would just swallow you up and take you away from everything ? kitten is feeling like that.

In 10 days kitten is supposed to be on a plane to Master, what is the point if she is not a slave for Him, if He tells her to do something and she refuses, what good will she be for Him then ?

kitten will be leaving in less than 40 days to be with Master, and she knows she has to get her mind into finally being r/t once more, online has its advantages, kitten can be cheeky and know Master can’t punish her * hell if punishments meant paddles thats fine, but with Master kittens punishments are blinking more pillows and cuddles *

Any way, searching some of kittens favorite posts from other people she came across this one again, and she is trying hard to learn it, well ok thats a fib, she is laughing at it and wondering if she can get away with adding pink hearts to fluffy? wonder if it will be noticed ?

my Lesson In Chalk

::she sighs deeply grumbling under her breath something about
feelinglikeimbackinschoolhavingtowriteonchalkboard
as she begins to mark on the blackboard with her chalk::

i will not grope Master in public

i will not splash chocolate puddin’ on Master

i will not climb onto Master’s lap while i am soaking wet

i will not hold up the line in the grocery store while explaining why i wear a bracelet that says slave

i will not plan when to paint my toenails a different color while receiving a spanking

i will not hide Master’s crop

i will not call out our safe word when Master is driving too fast

i can not ground Master

i will resist my urge to duct tape newbies that want punishment

i will not giggle when Master gives His ’serious’ look

i will not send the newbies out to collect trolls for the weekly auction

i will not wear granny panties tho they are much more comfy

i will not roll my eyes behind Master’s back

i will not eat all of Master’s chocolate and strawberries

i will not paint the bondage table pink

i will not suggest punishments for others

i will not ping m & m’s at Master then look around all innocent and chit

i will not put on a extra big tee-shirt and sweats when Master is expecting company

i will not pull all the feathers out of Master’s tickler

i will not poke holes in Master’s inflatable toys

i will not hide the batteries for Master’s violet wand

i will not paint pretty flowers on Master’s whip and flogger handles

i will not give the kids Master’s bondage ropes to play jump rope with

Master is always right

i will not call Master dumplin or sugar plum

i will not use the cross to hang clothes to dry

i will not tie Master’s shoe laces together while draped over His lap for a spanking

i will not use the nipple clamps to hang clothes on the line

i will not hang ‘i’m subbie, spank me’ signs on newbies backs

i will not practice my rope tieing skills with Master’s bondage ropes and put them up with the knots still in

i will not give Master ‘zerberts’ when He is lecturing me

i will not super glue Master’s nipple clamps together
and last but not least …

i will not tear pages out of Master’s ‘1001 Ways To Dom’ book and hide them

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Dreams

Posted on: October 11, 2008

Don’t undermine your worth by comparing
Yourself with others,
It is because we are different that each
Of us is special.
Don’t set your goals by what other people
Deem important,
Only you know what is best for you.
Don’t take for granted the things closest
To your heart
Cling to that as you would your life, for without
Them life is meaningless.
Don’t let your life slip through your fingers by living
In the past or the future.
By living your life one day at a time, you live all the
Days of your life.
Don’t give up when you still have something to give
Nothing is really over … until the moment
You stop trying.
Don’t be afraid to admit that you are less
Than perfect,
It is the fragile thread that binds us to each other.
Don’t be afraid to encounter risks,
It is by taking chances that we learn how to be brave.
Don’t shut love out of your life by saying it’s
Impossible to find.
The quickest way to receive love is to give love.
The fastest way to lose love is to hold on too tightly,
And the best way to keep love is to give it wings.
Don’t dismiss your Dreams. To be without
Dreams is to be without hope.
To be without hope is to be without purpose.
Don’t run through life so fast that you forget
Where you’ve been,
But also know where you’re going.
Life is not a race, but a journey to be savored
Every step of the way.

Kitten is sorry for not posting sooner, she is guilty of being busy, she has been promoted and while it doesn’t mean an increase in hours as such ( already work in excess of 40 a week) it does mean extra responsibility and this is just the first of hopefully many, kitten is already studying for the next one, so fingers crossed !

In addition to working full time kitten has been helping her Master, now she knows she cannot work full time on this as she wishes as unfortunately no one pays the bills but kitten, however she works every spare minute she gets and even at work she finds her mind drifting to what she can do, should do, will do when she gets home, smiling when kitten isn’t working its not unusual for her to be on the computer for 18/19 hours a day, she needs to get things done so she can be a part of Masters success, and hopefully this is something that will continue to happen.

What else does kitten do ? well she writes, and she writes and she writes some more, those who know kitten know that she has to put things onto type, she says and feels so much her words are her escape, her feelings are there for all who want to see them, its up to them whether they listen to what she is saying, kitten knows many don’t but that is their loss not kittens, guess thats what makes a friend, being interested in another person and not only being concerned with yourself all the time, lol met a few who were all into the me,me,me conversations but if you never stop to get to know another person then your life will be so lonely,

Kitten sometimes sits here at the computer looking at the screen and asks herself WHY… Why does she need to write, why does she open herself up to hurt from others, why does she want to be friends with people, why does she allow herself to be used as a sounding board to others problems when they are not there for her,why does she value words so much, why why why ?

There is no answer, kitten is kitten, the same as she always has been, she is a friendly person, she values her friends dearly and she loves completely, kitten might not be this amazing sexy fem fatale but kitten is always kitten, honest, opinionated, loyal, trustworthy ( lol modest ? ) This is kitten, she is no more and no less, she is just kitten