Akittenone’s Weblog

kitten is not a slave

Posted on: April 7, 2009

Kitten has written this post 5 times so far, she has written 6 pages on her note book and still she is no more settled than she was, so many things going around in her head, all she wants to do is cry, and damn it kitten is NOT a crier, even writing this she can feel the tears running down her face.

Yesterday really threw her, something happened and it was stupid and pathetic but it really hit kitten hard, another went somewhere they were not supposed to, to keep an check on kitten she guesses and it ended up kitten was told she was over reacting, then was told it was her fault that the one she is blaming goes nowhere, else * which is not true as she does go on a certain place, but not kittens concern if she wishes to lie, was also told that blogs were removed as they upset kitten, again not true as they were removed as she was cuaght lying once more and couldn’t deny it, again not kittens fault as she did not know about the stupid blogs, all kitten knew was someone was not telling the truth and had got caught in a lie again* It is not kittens fault, kitten has never been on that site herself or read the blog in question so how can it be her fault ? So many things were said and something another done ended up being something kitten was told to apologise for, and that is not going to happen, that is the first time kitten has actively disobeyed Master and it has thrown her into a spin, she is not a slave, she is not submissive, she refused to do as she was told, damn it kitten hates feeling like this.

The worst of it is that Master asked if she was there already would she have refused and the answer was the same, she would have, kitten is so sick of saying sorry to another person who has yet to admit that anything is actually their fault and that they in fact owe kitten the apology,  hell in a year have never had one sorry for all the crap either her or her ‘friend’  have  put kitten through, for some reason unknown to kitten she is never the one who is made to apologise.  sounds like sour grapes really, told you it was stupid but refusing Master has really thrown kitten, she is so uncertain at the moment she feels sick with it.

Kitten so far has written for hours in her notebook, she has cleaned all she can clean and then some more, all to try to work out what the hell she is supposed to do, how she can get rid of feeling like this, but its not worked, kitten is shutting down, she can sense it, she can feel it and she hates it but it is how she survives,

Ever have days you wish would just swallow you up and take you away from everything ? kitten is feeling like that.

In 10 days kitten is supposed to be on a plane to Master, what is the point if she is not a slave for Him, if He tells her to do something and she refuses, what good will she be for Him then ?

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1 Response to "kitten is not a slave"

Oh my God kitten ! As if you don’t have enough problems in life, you don’t need all this crap !Don’t withdraw again, be strong and be the kitten I know you can be.I will support you in anything you decide,you have survived before and I know you can again.I still love you because you are who you are, not what others say you are.

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