Akittenone’s Weblog

So glad its over

Posted on: July 2, 2008

Well a lesson was learnt yesterday, expect nothing and will not be disappointed, kitten had hopes for her birthday but got nothing and was very disspointed  and hurt as she received nothing,

kitten knows Master is busy, He is with His favorite slave for the first time and so she knows she has to wait for her turn but selfishly kitten had hoped for something special on her birthday, a time for her and no one else, this was not to be and Master could not see why kitten was hurt, so who is to blame ? kitten is as it is Masters choice who He spends time with and how, to suggest otherwise is to rule from the bottom and that is not acceptable.

kitten spoke to another of Masters slaves, the other slave contacted kitten as a friend, kitten had no idea she was actually a sister, this surprised kitten as Master has always said that being honest was a key part of the M/s relationship and kitten wonders if this is right ? To not tell other sisters about each other ? kitten has also found out Master is interested in another as well, again by accident.

kitten desperately was trying to help but the sister is leaving Master, she cannot deal with the favoritism that is shown to one sister, this is obvious to any who encounter T/them together and at time kitten resents it but she will persevere, she knows she will never be as good as the other one and feelings of jealousy and resentment are kittens problem to deal with, but the new sister cannot cope and she is scared Master will persuade her to stay but for the wrong reasons, so all kitten can do is be there to support her.

 The M/s relationship is viewed on many levels but the new to this lifestyle can not understand some of the dynamics and this is a shame as kitten has a feeling that the new sister would make a good sub/slave but she needs more than Master can give and to be honest so does kitten, only difference is kitten is resigned to it now, she knows Master will remember her when its her turn, smiling, He might be distracted but again kitten is used to that.

This leads kitten to ask , why ? why does a multiple owner favour one over others ? What is it about that one that no matter the indiscretionsand trouble they cause they are never at fault ? Why are they always viewed by Master as the injured party ? Again kitten had a taste of that yesterday when she interfered but kitten was the one in trouble, yet when reasons were explained kitten was told she was owed an apology but still never received one,, the favoritism was obvious and at the time kitten was past caring, kitten was numb from hurt

Yesterday was an eye opener for kitten and she spent most of the day in tears, the total indifference and neglect she felt was crushing,  even know writing this tears are flowing, kitten is too emotional she knows but when things hurt as bad as they did yesterday then its hard to build that bond again and that is something kitten needs to think about, kitten loves Master dearly but at this moment she is having doubts, doubts that Master actually thinks about kitten at all.

kitten said to much again but here is kittens place, where she can say what she feels, does this make kitten a bad slave ? possible but kitten is human and she has, no matter how people try to crush them, feeling and right now those feelings are of  worthlessness, doubt, resignation, and mostly hurt.




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